mythic musing

Hiatus

2011-05-05T13:28:00.000-07:00

Due to the condition of my health, I am forced to stop doing almost everything... except manage my illness. I am very upset about this, but I can do nothing but surrender to the truth. The truth is that the daily maintenance of my body in it's current condition is a full time job. This means I will be taking a break from blogging both here and on Life in Neverwell.
I am going to try to work a little on Quintessia's Journey, if I can.

During the course of my 30 year oddessy with this amalgamation of immune disorder(s), ME/CFS, etc. (see my other blog, Life in Neverwell for clarification), I have tried everything to change my condition. I've done all the New Age "think yourself well" programs (which lead to me ignoring symptoms in an effort to will myself healthy. Silly of me. And dangerous.) I had extensive counseling and analysis, which showed this was not a psycho-somatic in origin. I've participated in experimental drug trials. I have spent $10,000's at an environmental clinic, purifying my body. I have met with authentic shamans, psychics, and gifted healers. I also became a Reiki Master in 2000. I have tried supplements, herbs and peculiar diets (I am NOT allergic to gluten). I have tried almost everything (within reason) to bring my body to wellness.

I feel it's important for people to realize that being chronically ill is not a failure on the part of the sick person. The idea that there is "something out there, but you just haven't found it" is also useless. No one wants to be this debilitated, to live a half-life. All of us with chronic illness are doing the best we can with what we have.

So.... in the spirit of living the truth, I am admitting that I need to withdraw from putting my attention anywhere, but on the needs of my poor sick body. It's the least I can do for it.
If I should improve or have a reprieve, I be back at this blog.

I want thank everyone for the good wishes, prayers and healing rituals. Those efforts are not lost in the bigger picture. Compassion never is lost, even if we don't see the result of our actions.

Planetary Empaths & Reindeer People

2011-04-14T13:26:00.000-07:00


Susan Seddon Boulet

     Although I was born intuitive and empathetic, nothing prepared me for how those qualities would progress through life. It was in early 1990’s that I began to notice that my intuitive flashes were expanding to include world events. The curious thing about this was that it was translated into body symptoms. Occasionally, a dream or a dream or vision (like watching a movie) would accompany the symptoms, but this was not the norm. I would feel a strong grief & heartache days prior to a world event. This would be almost crippling. I kept wondering: “What is wrong with me?” Then I began to notice a pattern. The grief episodes would precede and event, and disappear when the event happened: Princess Diana’s death, the beginning of the Gulf war, the Columbine school shootings, the Virginia Tech school shootings and the housing market debacle.

    In 2004 there was an abrupt change in these abilities (To read about this event click here.) I started hearing a range of tones in my left ear, accompanied by a range of symptoms: dizziness, vertigo, headaches, bleeding in the ears, heart palpitations, strong feelings of foreboding, pressure in the head. I did go to my Dr. and had everything checked out. There was no explanation. A pattern emerged: approximately 1-4 days prior to an earthquake or volcanic eruption, the left ear would ring. Then came the other symptoms. The symptoms would disappear after the event- unless there was more to come. My other symptoms remained: I was bedridden the day prior, and the day of the Easter Quake (2010 Baja California) which also caused the ground beneath my home to move. I lived three months after that with the feeling of living on water, like standing on a dock with constant rocking. This event was also preceded by bleeding in my ears. (I went straight to the doctors with this. After a full exam they could offer no explanation. “Yes, we see the blood, but there doesn’t seem to be a source. You don’t have brain tumor.”) I received warning about the cataclysm in Japan , without knowing where it would happen. This scenario has not finished playing out. Though I didn’t have inner ear symptoms, I did have a lucid dream and body symptoms preceding the Gulf Oil Spill. This is another event that hasn’t completed it’s cycle.

    It was through Trish and Rob MacGregor’s blog Synchronicity (now called Synchroscrets) that I found others like me. Trish and Rob coined the term “Planetary Empaths” on March 11, 2010 to describe the group of us that were having similar symptoms prior to cataclysmic events. From then on I have been looking at theories to explain what an planetary empath is. What are the empaths connected to? Why is it happening? Is it evolutionary? A few of the empaths have asked this question repeatedly “ Why are we given enough details to know something horrific is to occur, but not enough information to doing anything about it?” I have often noticed that I didn’t know what the meaning of the dream or vision was until the actual event was unfolding. Why? What is the use of this?

   Though I have always been somewhat psychic, I equate my empathic abilities (in so far as they are connected to the earth) with the arrival of an image I called Reindeer Woman. (I have blogged about my search to uncover who or what this image is, to read the fist in the sequence, click here.) This is how I came to be recently re-reading a book by author Peter Vitebsky, The Reindeer People: Living with Animals and Spirits in Siberia. It has been full of synchronistic insights for me, both in regards to Reindeer Woman, and the work of a planetary empath.

Vitebsky documents his conversations with the Eveny, “The Reindeer People“. They show him how important the nightly dreams of the tribe or group are to their survival. The dreams warn them about changes in the environment, or about death and illness. The dreams tell them when they are out of balance with the “spirit of the place”, or with their reindeer herds. Yet, notes Vitebsky, the dreams themselves “put up impenetrable barriers to any understanding before it’s fulfillment.” (Vitebsky/2005,pg 298) And “the meaning of the dream revealed itself with shocking clarity when it was fulfilled. It was as if the dream was taunting the dreamer with her helplessness.” (IBID) The tribe’s answer this conundrum, through time, has been to develop systems of divination that clarifies the dream. The tribe also has group dreams, shared between 2 or more members. They explained to Vitebsky that while there existed group or conventional dream symbols, each dreamer has symbols that mean certain things specifically to that dreamer. Some members of the tribe will have bodily symptoms preceding specific events. When the camp had an encounter with a hungry wolf, Vitebsky reported , “Later I found out Granny had felt a twitch the previous day in her left cheek , on the side that indicated something bad will happen.” (Vitebsky/2005 pg 344) (Italics mine: myself and other empaths have report a particular tone or ringing in the left ear only prior to a quake, or volcanic eruption.) The camp's pets and herds also gave warning prior to important events. Even the arrival of strangers is preceded days in advance by animals of the tribe.

From the cover of The Reindeer People, by Vitebsky

In an attempt to "civilize" the nomadic Eveny people during the Russian Revolution of the 1920‘s, the shamans of the tribe were removed. Most were never seen again. Yet, the living field (described as spirits of the land, animals, trees, creatures and ancestors) that the Eveny people communicate with is still talking to them, through dreams, their pets and herds, and through their bodies. Vitebsky’s wife came to visit him at the Eveny camps Sally, a psychologist from England “came to feel that the land had sent her dreams even while she was still in England.” (IBID).

For me, this example- the Eveny people - gives a possible explanation of what the phenomena of being an earth empath may be and how it may work. It seems that there is no future if humans completely cut themselves off from this "living field”. Traditionally, this living field calls the few it will communicate with. These individuals don’t have a choice: they have to listen. Since we no longer have a place for the traditional role of the shaman in our culture, it will be interesting to witness how this relationship between the unseen living field and the humans it chooses to interact with will continue to develop. It would also appear that for our postmodern planetary empaths, the field has expanded: we are dreaming the world's events, not just our own locale.

A very ancient path being fused to the post-modern world…..

A Healing Experience with "The Grays"

2011-03-13T14:37:00.000-07:00

    During my life, I have had what has come to labeled abduction experiences. I wasn't always happy to have the experiences. I hesitate to share these experiences- I'm not sure why. I have decided that they are a part of my journey, and they should be shared.
     Lama Gyatso once spoke to the sangha, briefly, about these types of experiences. He said "There are myriad beings in the universe." He went on to explain they often want our attention. He then said that we are not obligated to respond to them. My last experience with them, I told them to never contact me again. They haven't.

During the time frame of my experiences, I would suddenly wake up in their presence. There were three, with a taller one in the middle. I always felt that there was busyness going on all around us, so I felt like there were many. But I only saw 3 at a time. I once witnessed a small one shapeshifting into a human form. I also felt their minds were all connected telepathically.
     One particular experience stands out for me: At the time, I was working at a lighthouse with many stairs to climb. My left knee was giving me a very hard time. I was going to make an appointment to see a Dr. about it. One night, I woke up in a brightly lighted room with the 3 grays. They were operating on my knee. I was a little startled, but decided not to panic. I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder 13 years before this. I said to them " Since you are fixing my knee, why don't you cure my disease?" The tall one answered me telepathically: "This (the knee) is a mechanical problem. The disease is karmic. We can't change karma." Then I passed out.
     I awoke the next morning and looked at my knee. There were 2 tiny almost healed cuts and a little bruising. I went to work that day, walking up the long flights of stairs. My knee never bothered me again from that day. I did show my boss the knee. She had always been fascinated by my dreams & experiences. We laughed about it.
     To be honest, I never saw any evidence that these beings are extraterrestrial in nature. I did witness shape shifting, telepathy & healing. To this day I don't know who they are, or what they are. I don't feel they are evil, though I did spend a period of time being angry at their intrusiveness. I did notice they seemed fascinated with human emotions. They are very tricky beings, so it's hard to come to solid conclusions regarding them. I think they come from inner space.

Note: Butterfly Nebula photo source: Hubble .

Lessons in Becoming a Ma (Goddess)

2011-02-20T15:50:00.000-08:00


On the road with Purna das Baul

While I was writing about Mother Mirra on my blog about alchemical women, Quintessia's Journey, I was reminded of some of my most precious memories. It was while reading of Mirra's Alfassa's (The Mother) time with Rabindranath Tagore in Japan, that I was pulled back to a very magical time in my life: the time I spent with Purna Das Baul whom we lovingly called Baba.

The Bauls of Bengal are a lineage of minstrels - gypsies- Sufis that travel the world singing love songs to the Divine. Purna Das Baul's lineage goes back nine generations. As a child he traveled with his father Nabani Das Baul throughout India. Nabani Das Baul was a close friend of Tagore's. Nabani was often asked to compose songs for him. It was the writings of Tagore that brought the Bauls into the global village. The Nobel Prize winning poet , who lived from 1861-1941, is often referred to as the "Greatest of Bauls". Baba, in turn, is great friends with a modern poet-musician: Bob Dylan. Baba was on the cover of Dylan's John Wesley Harding album.
Among the people of India, Baba is a holy being, a sacred incarnation of deity. When he is in the United States, people flock to him for blessings, which he freely gives. He also gives them prasad (blessed food) and he prays for their well being.

Purna Das Baul (far right)

     During 2003-2005 I was blessed with being asked to accompany the Purna Das Baul and his son Chotton as they traveled through the Southwestern United States performing. I had no prior training or context for this opportunity. I was working in a bookstore (which sold 2 books about Bauls) in San Diego one afternoon, when I felt a breeze in the room- prior to the door opening. As I looked up a beautiful woman (named Siai) in a brightly colored Sari was opening the door, with fliers in her arms. I asked "Are you a Baul?" From that moment I was pulled into the story.
     When Siai told hime about meeting me, Purna Das Baul asked to meet this woman who recognized this energy. Later I heard them sing a line repeatedly "Do you know the wind?" The wind in this context was the movement of the body's subtle channels in yoga. It was this I felt preceding the presence of Siai and the Bauls.
         From the moment of meeting him, he called me "Ma", not Debra, or Mrs. Page. I became Ma. Of course, I had no understanding what this meant at the time. This my was first direct experience with Eastern philosophies and religion. I loved Baba instantly, and I had no problem saying "yes" to the call to be with him. While I was with him, all my needs were taken care of. I was given beautiful Indian clothing, saris, jewelry, food, lodging- all needs were met. My rock musician husband, Larry, was given place in the band with them. There are so many wonderful stories about this time in our lives. However, this post is about being a "Ma".
   Baba has an ongoing dialogue with the Divine Mother. He talks to her during the day as he goes about doing Baul things. He sings to to her, praises her, thanks her. I watched him interact with Her. I came to see through his devotion, that she was the very force animating matter. There would be times when something needed to be done, tea prepared, prasad (blessed food) needed preparing,etc. and he would look at me and say "Ma?" I quickly learned in those moments, I was Mother answering his prayers. I assumed that all women were a "Ma", but that was not the case. According to Baul philosophy (which is a form of Tantra), all women are an aspect of The Mother. Yet, only certain women were an aspect of the prayer answering shakti. The definition of shakti is; 1) The active manifest power that creates the universe, and 2) The consort of the male expression of the divine, especially the god Shiva. (source: Answers.com)
      During my life, I had longingly searched for the Divine Feminine, the lost counterpart to our Christian concept of God. My heart ached to know Her. Baba was teaching me that She lived within me. She wasn't to be found out there somewhere, or in a temple on the other side of the world. She was right here, every moment. He was showing me that everyday life was a prayer to Her, and a dance with Her. He did not have to verbally tell me how to do the many new things I was introduced to. There was a part of me that innately knew these things already. I am not claiming I was full of grace, or didn't make mistakes. Baba is an infinitely patient being. My neurotic mind was always afraid that the 6 yards of my sari would come unraveled!
       One afternoon, I was alone with him, which was a very rare occasion. We were sitting in a beautiful home overlooking a busy valley in San Diego. The afternoon sun was streaming in the room, making everything luminous. There was a beautiful fluid feeling of peace. I had a text of sayings by Anandamayi Ma (an Indian Avatar, or Incarnation of the Goddess). Baba was reading the same text in Bengali.

"Baba, what does it take for a woman to become a "Ma" (an incarnation of the goddess)? " I asked.
"Complete and total sacrifice," he responded.

   The ego, in terms of self-cherishing in a selfish way, has to be sacrificed (to make sacred). If any human aspires to the divinisation of the the body to incarnate the The Divine, they have to surrender the ego to the higher force.

Purna Das Baul lives this way every moment.

Mary Sidney Herbert: Alchemist Extraordinaire

2011-02-08T16:37:00.000-08:00

UPDATE:After writing the post below,I created a new blog on woman & alchemy called Quintessia's Journey (click to visit).

The blossoming of spiritual alchemy (Natural Philosophy) in a given culture or society is a reflection of the peoples dialogue with the Imaginal Realm. This is the realm of the muse, myth, dreams, inspiration, and archetypes. This is why we see a flourishing of the arts and humanitarian efforts surrounding successful alchemists throughout the ages. In my personal commitment to following the image of Reindeer Woman through my blogging process, I came to realize the importance of the Imaginal Realm for all of humanity. It is the interface of human consciousness with the Imaginal Realm that leads us towards a truly beneficial relationship with all life.

After coming to understand recent events of my life through the lens of spiritual alchemy, I became intrigued by women alchemists. I have always looked for the feminine practitioners of every spiritual tradition and, sadly, their importance has been often overlooked. Even though alchemy is one of the most publicized subjects in the book market (1), there is not a single book dedicated to the history of female alchemists!

I pulled out my texts, searched through Google books, search library databases, & read what other women who walked before me posted on their blogs and websites. I found mention of many women alchemists, but very little documentation. I found them in all periods of history and in almost every culture.

For the sake of this essay I am going to focus on one extraordinary woman: Mary Sydney Herbert: Countess of Pembroke, who lived in England from 1561-1621. I don’t feel I can give the amount of space needed in this essay to fully recount her influence on culture. I will try to show you what an amazing woman she was, especially during the historical period in which she lived.

Mary Sidney was betrothed at 13 and married at 15 to Henry Herbert, 2^nd Earl of Pembroke. She became Lady Sidney, one of Elisabeth I’s most trusted ladies-in-waiting. She and her brother Sir Phillip Sidney were very close. Together they created the most influential literary circle in England, The Wilton Circle (2). Named for Mary’s estate, The Wilton House, their mission was to create great works of English literature. Her brother Phillip died when she was 27, and she proceeded to manage the Wilton Circle herself. The Wilton Circle inseparably linked to the legacy of Shakespeare. Many of Shakespeare’s works contain alchemical allegory (3).

It was also at the Wilton Estate that Lady Sidney had her alchemical laboratory. Her lab assistant was Adrian Gilbert, Sir Walter Raleigh’s half brother. Sir Walter Raleigh was instrumental in founding the colony of Virginia, named after the Virgin Queen, Elizabeth I. Gilbert was also responsible for designing and maintaining the elaborate gardens at Wilton. He used the principles of geometry to create a harmonious atmosphere.

Other alchemists in her chemistry circle included:

*Dr. John Dee (Elizabeth I’s own spy: the original 007, court astrologer, polymath and navigator)

*Giordano Bruno (Bruno’s work Spaccio was dedicated to Sir Phillip Sidney (4) )

*Sir Francis Bacon (statesman, scientist, author)

*Thomas Digges (Knight of the Garter, astronomer, inventor)

*Sir Edward Dyer (Knight of the Garter, courtier, poet)

*Sir Thomas Smith (Elizabeth I’s Secretary of State, Chancellor of the Order of the Garter)

*Lady Mary Wroth (Mary’s niece, poetess. Ben Johnson dedicated his play “The Alchemist” to her)

There were many others who moved through the Wilton Literary Circle that also were alchemists. I am only using names I can find direct sources for. I wish there had been more documentation of the woman in this circle, but execution for witchcraft made keeping such records dangerous in the England of Elizabeth I and James I.

Mary Sidney's alchemical interests were focused toward philosophy, the creation of medicinal tinctures and the search for “Universal Medicine” to help elevate and transform humanity to its highest potential. The alchemical philosophy involved the training of the mind to transmute negative circumstances and thoughts into creative growth. The laboratory wasn’t just used to create medicine, it was used to reflect back or mirror the alchemist’s mental state. An understanding of astrology and natural cycles were also important.

Along with her alchemical interests here are some other fascinating facts regarding Mary Sydney Herbert:

*She was fluent in French, Italian and Latin. (5)

*She had the most extensive library in England (followed by Dr. John Dee).

*She was a writer in her own right.

*She was the most powerful woman in England at the time, except for Queen Elisabeth.

*She financed New World exploration and was a founding member of The Virginia Company. (6)

*She is one of 7 contenders for the authorship of the works of Shakespeare…. but that is a tale for another day! (7)

Some Sources:

Photo 1 : Alchemedia

Photo 2 : Sketch by F.O. Morris

Mary Sidney & Alchemy:

http://www.wondersandmarvels.com/2010/11/alchemy.html

Mary Sidney & the Authorship Question:

http://shakespeareauthorship.weebly.com/

http://www.marysidney.com/pages/williams.php

Women in Alchemy:

http://www.womenalchemists.com/

http://www.levity.com/alchemy/female.html

Notes:

(1) The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Alchemy, Dennis William Hauck/2008

(2) Sweet Swan of Avon: Did a Woman Write Shakespeare?, Robin P. Williams 2006/page 30

(3) Chemical Theatre, Charles Nicholl/1997

(4) Giordano Bruno and the Hermetic Tradition, by Frances A. Yates 1991/page 219

(5) Sweet Swan of Avon: Did a woman write Shakespeare?, Robin P. Williams 2006/page 98

(6) IBID, page 103

(7) IBID, whole text

A Suprising Turn of Events

2011-02-04T16:23:00.000-08:00

After the dissolution described in my 12/31/2010 post , I physically crashed. Living with an auto immune disorder is difficult. Living with one in times of unusual stress always leads to me collapsing. This is why it's been so quiet in these parts.

A month ago, my daughter (25 yrs) called to tell me she was making a life-changing decision. She needed a roommate & place to stay within 2 weeks. Days went by, with no apparent options. Then she called me to tell me that Suzie, a girl she known in highschool, had just gotten a 2 bedroom apartment in a different part of San Diego (they both had been living near the beach). Suzie asked Desiree if she'd be willing to move in with her and her young son. Desiree was very excited and relieved. She didn't know were the place was exactly, other than it was somewhere in the unincorporated town where I live (which has 2 zip codes and isn't very small).

As things turned out, the aparment was on the property directly adjacent to our condo complex. We share a property line and a parking area. My husband and I went to the appointment with Suzie and Desiree. We were talking with the property manager about our mutual property concerns (my husband is on our Home Owner's Association). The manager asked my husband where he works, and Larry told her he was a manager at a health food store.
It was then that it happened.
I did what I call an intuitive " blurt". What came of my mouth was not thought out before I said it. It just spilled out me.

"He also has a California state certified guard card," I blurted, while questioning myself as to why I even said it. It didn't appear relevant.

"But I need a security guard!" , the property manager replied.

To make a long story short.... My husband starts his 2nd job next week, and our daughter and her friend live next door. How this all fell together is pretty amazing to all of us.

I've written a new article...

2011-01-06T15:39:00.000-08:00

entitled : Elemental Haunting: An Overview for the Paranormal Researcher.

It's just been posted on the Pacific Paranormal Investigations website:

click here.

Let me know what you think.

Alchemically Speaking: The Past Two Months

2010-12-31T21:29:00.000-08:00

"Chaos should be regarded as extremely good news."
                                        -Chogyam Trungpa

      The past two months have been very strange for my husband and I. In October, I was battling my second round of bronchitis. On the 28th, the hot water pipes exploded in our shower while I was standing there. Within 45 minutes, our home was flooded. Within 8 hours, we were evacuated to a hotel 10 miles away. Then things became even stranger: the very day the work on our home was to be completed, the hot water heater exploded on the man who was finishing the tile work in the kitchen. (I am grateful he was not hurt.) This created a second flood which covered area of the new floor and walls just completed. It also flooded the only space that wasn't flooded in the previous incident. Also curious: no personal items (furniture, books, clothes, guitars, computers etc.) were destroyed by the flooding itself. When the work was finally done on our home on December 16, we moved back in. The adventure didn't end there.
   As this drama was unfolding, I was asking myself "What does this mean?" Trish MacGregor reminded me to analyze it like it was a dream....and I finally had a "light bulb" moment. All of it can be explained through the language of alchemy. In particular, the stage of dissolution! Jung wrote several books on the language of alchemy as a metaphor for the individuation process.
          Some of symbols representing the alchemical dissolution process include: whale, fish, toad, dragon, a stag in a forest, flooding, breaking apart, rivers, streams, tears, pools, warm bath, baptism, dissection, dissembling, dismemberment, the near death experience, mid-life crisis, lungs, the color blue, the metal tin. The first alchemical apparatus for use in experiments with water & dissolution were invented by a Jewish alchemist named Maria Prophetissa, sometime before 100 B. C E. Maria Prophetissa is considered a female Hermes (Hauck/1999). Hermes is the mercurial trickster force behind the alchemical process. The alchemical bath has since been called the bain-marie (French for Mary's bath). This process can be repeated- solve et coagula: dissolve and solidify -- several times before it's done.

Prior to the flooding, I was battling bronchitis: a lung disorder. I have several problems with my immune systems as well as ME/CFS, so any illness can create complications.
             The first person on the scene to help me after the hot water pipes exploded was a woman named Mary.
            When my husband and I first walked into the lobby of the hotel that would be our refuge from the flood, the first thing we encountered was a giant whale sculpture. The lobby was also decorated for Halloween with pumpkins, skeletons, and skulls. During the first 3 weeks of our stay, the maid assigned to our room was named Maria. The room was decorated in blue. The view outside the window was a of a surrounded courtyard with 3 heated pools. During this period of time I read The Millennium Trilogy, by Steig Larsson. The main character in this trilogy is Lisbeth Salandar, aka "the girl with the dragon tattoo".
          During this time I had 3 dreams about shamans. In one dream I was traveling over water on a boat in the Florida everglades . (See Trish & Rob MacGregor's blog, Synchronicity, for more about this dream.) I had 3 dreams that involved structures dissembling. I also had 3 dreams where I was communicating with people who have died.
During the 3rd week of reconstruction, the hot water heater exploded, creating more flooding. At this point, we can say that the 2nd process of alchemical dissolution had begun. The day after Thanksgiving, we went down to the lobby. The whale in the lobby now had antlers and a sweater, decorated for Christmas.

Our alchemical whale had become a reindeer/stag. The following weekend, we we moved to the fifth floor, into another blue themed room. This time our view was of a steep, forested hill. It was in this room a celebrated a mid-life birthday.

       During a dissolution phase of psychological alchemy, one finds oneself in a position of having no control over one's life passage. When my husband & I entered the hotel, we no longer had our own identities. For 6 weeks, we became anonymous. Even the account at the hotel was done by a third party. We became Mr. & Mrs. Page, the displaced couple. We had none of our usual props in our daily lives. Very little belonged to us. We didn't have our usual daily routines. We were living amongst a sea of anonymous, transient people. Even though we had computers, the hotel had very limited internet contact. The TV had very few channels (unless you paid extra). Larry's job was the only thing that remained constant, but even that was effected by the dissolution process. On one particular day, he went work to find corporate personnel in the office. Several of his co-workers were gone, either transferred or let go. There was no warning for this incident.

           We were going through the dissolution together as a single body: the Sun/Moon, or King/Queen. (Larry & I have a natal (his)Sun/Moon (mine) conjunction in astrological charts.) We were removed from our collective body, our home, and taken to an anonymous bardo, or transition state, while our body (home) was dismembered and reconstructed. This is similar to a shamanic dismemberment & initiation. The point of this whole process is to learn to live in the moment.

Just this... Now.

We were finally able to move back in to our home on Dec 16. The alchemist would ask at this point: "Will the newly constructed vessel be able to contain without leaking?"
On December 21st, there was rare eclipse (sun/moon, or king/queen)-- last seen in 1378. On Dec. 22nd, San Diego was hit by a storm that would bring record rainfall and flooding. On Dec. 23rd, we awoke to standing water-- up to 8 inches -- surrounding 3 outer walls of our condo. This had never happened before. The men who had just spent 6 weeks working on our home happened to be on the grounds already, so we were able to work fast on preventing damage to the interior of our newly remodeled home.

Christmas Day was celebrated with family and friends. I received a beautiful golden bronze stag as a gift from my friend Teresa.

On the morning of December 28th, I pulled back the curtains to find many doves sitting outside my front picture window, looking inward at me. Usually there is only one or two, not several. The dove is prominent above the heads of the King and Queen in alchemical imagery-- after the dissolution was complete. At this moment I knew all was exactly as it should be. The storm on Dec. 29th did not cause any further flooding. The work of this phase of the alchemical process was complete. I hope we don't need to repeat it.

Following Reindeer Woman: Pazyryk Priestess & Deer Artifacts

2010-11-17T15:53:00.000-08:00

Pazyryk mummy tattoo

In my post "Reindeer Goddess, Axis Mundi, & Axis Shifts" I began my journey to blog my findings regarding a reindeer goddess. Since then, I have come across reports of amazing finds throughout the EurAsian Steppes.

The first picture on this page is a copy of a tattoo on the shoulder of a well preserved female mummy found by archeologist Natalia Polos'mak in a kurgan in Pazyryk. Discovered in 1995, 7,500 feet above sea level, the mummy was named the Ice Princess or The Lady. (This same tattoo design has been found on other mummies, both men and women in the Ukok Palteau.)

The kurgan and it's contents are at least 2,400 years old. The Lady was buried in a coffin carved from a larch tree trunk. The exterior of the coffin was appliqued with a leather deer design, the antlers moving back like the ones in the tattoo above. The chamber of this full burial was 7.5 feet by 11 feet and contained everything The Lady would need to continue her life in the Otherworld: clothing, food and furniture. Astoundingly, buried around the chamber were 5 horses, each ornamented with reindeer antlers and elaborate deer embossed bridles. Quoting an article posted Mary Lynn E. Turner : Culture on the Hoof: Kurgan Woman of the Pazyryk: "It is thought, though, that although the horses were symbols of the sun, the antlered headdress were a kind of throwback reminder to the the days before herding horses, back when people of the Steppe herded reindeer instead."


Pazyryk Horse/Deer Headdress

These photos came from an exhibit in the State Hermitage Museum. To visit the site click here.

Pazyryk bronze mirror backing

In her book, The Deer Goddess of Ancient Siberia, art historian Esther Jacobson traces the progression of the ancient Neolithic reindeer rock art images through to the the Bronze age, and into modern era. This progession of images also paralells the transformation of the the Reindeer Goddess as Animal Mother of a culture of matrilineal descent into the male dominated form of shamanism that we read about today. (For more information on the roots shamanism in ancient women's mysteries, read The Woman in the the Shaman's Body by anthropologist Barbara Tedlock, PH.D.) In Jacobson work, she repeatedly finds the deer antlers representing the Tree of Life. The Lady was buried in a tree trunk, ornamented with antlers. She was also buried in a 3-foot-tall pointed hat with gold foil images of branches, trees and cats. Was The Lady a priestess of the deer goddess as tree of life, a wisdom keeper? Is this hat the origin of the pointed "witches hat"?

The bronze mirror above was found in another Pazyryk kurgan on the Ukok Plateau. The Lady's coffin also had a similar deer decorated bronze mirror. In fact, these type of mirrors were found all through the EurAsian Steppes in Scythian, Pazyryk, Samaritan and Saka burials. (The Amazon women of myth and legend were also Samaritan. And, Buddha himself was a Saka prince.)   Reindeer images were also found on fabric and carpets. Other images include griffins, panthers, lemurs, house cats & birds. These images are also created as combined, morphing hybrids.

            Interestingly, or tellingly, is what The Lady is not called. A male mummy nearby, with a less ornamented burial, is called a "tribal chieftain". The Lady is called "unknown woman". Writer Vicki Noble (2003) calls her a "priestess shaman" and noted the parallels between The Lady's artifacts and those found in stories of Tibetan dakinis and yoginis. I agree.

             When I had my first dream/vision of reindeer woman, she was showing me that there was going to be a pole shift & a severe earthquake. At that time, I had no knowledge of a "reindeer goddess" image. Through research I found that she is a ancient , pre-shamanic deity that is associated with a warning to humanity: if we stray from balance in our relationship to the earth, she will cause the earth to quake. Coincidentally (or should I say, sychronistically?) I recently discovered a curious news story about The Lady. When her tomb was disturbed, and her body moved to a museum, the local Altai desendants of The Lady were very upset. After she was removed from the tomb, there were frequent quakes in the local area 2-3 times a week. The people warned the government that her removal from the tomb was the cause of the quaking. They felt that if she was placed back in her kurgan the quakes would stop. So far, the government has refused to take her home.

               Symbolically, The Lady's tomb and other tombs like hers represent the North Pole, or the spiritual orientation of the clans & tribes. This idea is found throughout EurAsia, Mongolia& Tibet. Disturbing the tombs is a metaphor for the loss of Spiritual North. Though I can't say that moving The Lady has caused the earth to quake, I can say that the people of earth have collectively lost their North Star & their spiritual orientation. All is not lost , though. There still remain Those Who point The Way.

Halloween, My Grandmother's Birthday & Her Spirit

2010-10-31T12:37:00.000-07:00

   Halloween was my grandmother Mary's birthday, so it became my favorite childhood holiday. It was a birthday she'd share with her best friend for life - Emily.

   We were very close when she died in my late 20's (late 1980's). We had made an agreement, and renewed the agreement many times: whoever died first would contact the other. The week before she died she called me (in San Diego) from her home in Toronto, Canada. "Debra, I want you to promise me that if I die, and you have made plans to be somewhere, or do something, don't cancel the plans. And don't bother sending flowers. I won't be there to see them anyway." (She had always felt that flower arrangements were a terrible waste of money.) I was a little perplexed as to why she said these things, but I gave her my word. With her, if you gave your word you had to carry it through!

The next weekend, my husband and I had reservations to attend a Medieval Times event in Los Angeles on Saturday. On the Friday night before , my father called and said "Your grandmother is dead." No details... nothing. I was in a terrible state of grief. I told my husband about my conversation with her the week before, and we agreed to attend the event, as I promised her.

     That night I fell into a fitful sleep. Suddenly, I found my self in a lucid dreaming state, and my grandmother was standing there. Don't ask me why, but I blurted out "Gram, why are you in a hospital gown?
" "Because I died in the hospital," she replied in a matter of fact way. At this point it was clear that our relationship was exactly the same... nothing had changed due to her new "condition". She waved her arm and was shown real-time scenes of my Aunt, Uncle and cousins in her condo in Toronto, Canada. They were sorting things things into boxes to keep, or give to the Salvation Army. Then the scene changed, and we were on a boat crossing a river. There was a beautiful glass or crystal city on an island in the distance. Halfway across the river, she said (in her no nonsense way); "This is as far as you can come with me." I started crying as she enfolded me in her arms. I woke up in my room, smelling her rose perfume.

       We did go to Medieval Times, which is something my grandmother would have loved. She was very into all things British, especially the Queens. It was very hard for me to go through with that day. I kept crying. On Sunday, my cousin, whom I had seen in the vision, called to give me the Memorial details. I told her I wouldn't be attending. I also told her about my grandmother's visit and what I had seen her and her family doing in the vision. She gasped, and said that it was true... and they did give boxes of stuff to the Salvation Army.

        Time passed. Then, I started having repeated visits from my grandmother. She kept showing me the same scene: In a dresser drawer there were many envelopes and small boxes. She urgently wanted me to see something.
This was repeated periodically for over 11 years. I had no way of knowing where this dresser was. I knew it wasn't something my cousins or my father knew anything about. The only remaining relative in Canada was an uncle who was somewhat reclusive, and I had no way of contacting him.

       On February 29, 2000 (leap day), a small package arrived via US mail. It was postmarked Toronto, Canada. Inside was a small blue box containing silver medallion of Queen Elizabeth, commemorating the 1976 Montreal Olympics. There was a very sweet note from my elusive uncle. "You grandmother always wanted you to have this. You were loved very much." I knew this would be the end of the repeated dream episodes of urgently searching through the drawer.
     Though those epidodes were over, Mary still visits me. I can feel her loving presence and smell her rose perfume.

*The above painting was done by myself. Oil and acrylic on canvas. It was done tongue in cheek pointing out the tradition of La Mort in still-life painting. Very Halloweeny and Day of the Dead!

The Ordinary : Connecting with Nature From Your Own Doorstep

2010-09-20T12:30:00.000-07:00

I feel it is so important to connect with nature, especially in your own neighborhood. Each neighborhood is it's own ecosystem, whether it's in the country, or in the city. I live in a densely populated urban area. I am constantly amazed by what appears... often literally on my front doorstep.

I also strongly feel that visionaries, artist, poets and people who study shamanism and archetypal psychology need to interact with Earth and nature. This helps to ground the mind in reality: as it is. It's very important not to be caught in the ideal of something (for example an "animal spirit messenger") without having practical knowledge of it's real nature. Often, messages from other dimensions or the spirit realm come to us in the ordinary setting of our everyday lives.

Here are some photos of the visitors to my own home area. (All photos copyright Debra L. Page.)

The Blanket of Blessings & the Lama

2010-09-04T12:39:00.000-07:00

     When I first met Lama Gyatso in his home in Los Angeles April 2004, I knew with complete certainty that my search for an authentic spiritual teacher was over. After taking refuge (vows) from him, I went home an did what every country girl does when they love someone: I crocheted him a burgundy and cream afghan (blanket).( I knew nothing about Tibetan customs!) Through the years, the afghan would be on his lap while he gave teachings from his seat in the shrine room.
     Lama Chodak Gayatso Nubpa left this Earth last fall. Lama told me before he left, "Don't worry, you will always be in my Mindstream, no matter what."
I believe him.
     This year has been very difficult as my illness, CFS/ME, has been wreaking havoc on my body. I have become 90% housebound, and very weak. I was going through a disheartening period this summer. In early August, my friend, artist Teresa Mill called me. She said she knew I was having a hard time with my illness and insomnia during the nights, but that she had something that may help me. She arrived at my home with a blanket and some photos. She handed me the photos: they were of my beloved Lama on Coronado Beach, here in San Diego! She explained that she had attended a sand mandala ceremony that he had performed at the beach, sometime in the early or mid-1990's.
     Teresa and I met in 2002, in the San Diego art scene. After I had connected with Lama Gyatso in 2004, she told me how she had met him at a sand mandala ceremony in San Diego.
What she didn't tell me was this: during the ceremony on the beach, Lama Gyatso had become cold. She had given him her blanket and he wrapped himself in it. After the ceremony, the blanket was handed back to her. An attendant told her to take care of the blanket, because it was now an artifact holding many blessings. Teresa kept the blanket, and did not see Lama Gyatso again.
    Teresa gave me this very blanket , knowing how much I love my Lama. She wanted this blanket to comfort me. This is when I told her, "The first thing I did for Lama, after accepting him as my teacher, was hand crochet him a blanket." We both laughed at the wonder of it: two blankets ,two friends, many years.... and I know I am still in his Mindstream.
     Thank you, Teresa, for a beautiful act of compassion and being part of a story filled with blessings.

*The above photo is of Lama, with our primary teaching text, on the blanket of blessings.
*Please see a sample of Teresa's beautiful art here.

Bird Encounters

2010-08-29T12:39:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday of this past week (08/25/2010), my husband and I drove an injured dove to a wildlife rescue center. The dove lives on our condo association property at the far end of our building. It's mate has been staying near the place where I picked up the dove for the past few days. This little dove has been heavily on my mind, and I may not know for another week if it survived it's injury.

Yesterday, just past noon. I sat in my love seat near our front windowed wall which borders our partially enclosed patio. There is a roof that slopes down and 3 walls surrounding the patio. You can only come onto the patio from one direction. I was sitting down to finish a book: The Portal; An Initiate's Journey into the Secret of Rennes-le-Chateau , by Patrice Chaplin. ( I was drawn to this book because of my interest in the Reindeer Goddess. See my prior post here.) Before I could open the book, I was startled. A hawk had swooped under the roof over-hang, and landed on the back of patio chair. S/he sat there calmly staring at me through the wall length window. It was no more than 4 feet from me and level with my face. I was stunned. Then it turned, lifted off carefully, and glided down & out of our small patio space. I have not seen large birds on this patio before. It is very small, 9" by 9". The hawk definitely knew what it was doing: it didn't appear to be startled upon landing.

I wonder if what I was reading was part of the bigger picture in this encounter? Later that afternoon I read this passage in the book:
"I talked about a french composer, Oliver Messiaen, and his music celebrating birds, his understanding of their existence as being partly in the realm of spirit." (page 312)
Also, the book is about ancient inter-dimensional doorways. I was sitting in a liminal space, inside looking outside.

Or could be part of the sequence of bird encounters I've had? In the past, this patio has been used for hummingbird rescue and triage (see here) . The dove we drove to the wildlife rescue center was briefly on the patio table nestled in clean linens.

Does anyone have ideas what this encounter means?

*Above painting by Susan Seddon Boulet*

Reindeer, Queens & Crowns, Part II

2010-07-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

This is a carving of 2 swimming reindeer, in Ivory. It is 13,000 years old. It was found in a cave shelter in Montastruc, Tar et Garoone, France. It is currently in the British Museum.
Ont he British Museum's site, they speculate:
"Was the sculpture a group totem, a shaman’s wand or the focal point of a story based on a journey in or between real and supernatural worlds?"

It's been awhile since I posted Part I of this article. I have been very sick and it's been a difficult struggle. I thought I knew exactly what Part II of this post would say, but I had an uplifting dream recently that changed everything:
Larry (my husband) and I moved into a beautiful cabin, which we had purchased from the prior owner. The cabin was made of beautiful , highly polished wood, and was filled with luminous light. The master bed was on low wooded pedestal. I found little drawers all around the pedestal. I opened one, and discovered a wonderful secret: the women who lived here before was a gifted writer, and she had left me some tiny rolled scrolls. I pick one up, and I see that it has "Rennes-le-Chateau written on it. I unroll the scroll. The author tells a story about a very precious friend of hers, a female reindeer. I feel filled with joy when I read about this secret."   Then I awaken and write the dream down.

   Rennes-le-Chateau is a notorious place in France, filled with many mysteries and surrounded by myriad legends. The name is very curious: it literally translates from French into English as "Castle of the Reindeer". Historically, the Magdalenian Period (approximately 16,000-10,000 BC) was also refereed to as the "Reindeer Age". The land that later became France had reindeer herders since before the Magdalenian Period. There have been ancient reindeer artifacts (reindeer bones, and art depicting reindeer) found throughout France.

    Rennes-le-Chateau was made famous in recent times by Holy Blood Holy Grail, and the Da Vinci Code , which both indicate a hidden Goddess tradition. Near Rennes-le-Chateau is Rennes-les-Bains (the Baths of the Reindeer), known for it's healing hot springs and legends of appearances of the Goddess. Often Rennes-le-Chateau is called the "Queen's Castle" and Rennes-le-Bains is called the "Queens Bath". "Queen" in French is "La Reine". How did "le rennes" and "la reine" become interchangeable? And is it a coincidence that a modern mystery regarding the return of the sacred feminine involves a place called Rennes-le-Chateau-, or Castle of the Reindeer? Quoting Elisabeth Van Buren in her curious volume on Renne-le-Chateau, Refuge of the Apolcalypse (page 177) :
"Rennes is the Goddess. Why is she portrayed as a reindeer?"
Very good question, and one that is not directly answered in her book.

I find clues to the answer to this question in many sources regarding the presence of an old reindeer/deer cult in Old Europe:

"The relationship between Finn Mac Cumail, his family, and the Irish Fiana, with the cervidae (antlered animals) is yet more proof that this very old clan was heir to the prehistoric occupants of Ireland from the era of the reindeer hunters." (Markale/1995)
Markale also repeatedly points out that the Druids and the Merlin tales come from the same tradition of the reindeer hunters. (Markale/1999).

Clarissa Pinkola Estes points out that: "In the sacrifice of the doe we see more of the hem of the old religion. The sacrifice of the deer was as ancient rite meant to release the deer's gentle yet bounding energy." (Estes/1992)

The myths of the Calleach (wise old hag) in Scotland are also found to be connected to an old deer goddess tradition (O Crualoich/2007, McHardy/2003). One of the oldest cultures in Scotland is the Picts, and they have reindeer artifacts, both art and bones. Reindeer were herded in ancient Scotland as well.

I've already quoted the works of Esther Jacobson and Linda Scherise Leonard in prior posts showing the Siberian clan connection to the Reindeer Goddess. I also talked about the possible connections of the Scythian, the Pazyrk, and the Bonpo to the ancient reindeer/deer cults. (click here, here, here, & here)

For me, the above mentioned dream confirms the path I'm on. Perhaps the writer who gifts me is my own ancestor. My genetic family has ties to the Scottish Tribe of Mar, Pictish descendants . My genetic family are also descendants of the French duchy of Anjou.
Perhaps the gift comes from the Dakini herself, since my spiritual lineage is Tibetan Nyingma, which absorbed many of the old Bonpo practices and deities.
I have more work to do, more digging to do.... and more dreaming to do.

To see Part I of this post, click here.

Sources:
Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes: page 443
The Quest for the Nine Maidens, by Stuart McHardy, page153
Merlin, Priest of Nature, by Jean Markale, page 162
Women of the Celts, by Jean Markale, pages 103-111
The Book of the Cailleach , by Gearoid O Crualaoich, pages 124-125
Refuge of the Apocalypse: Doorway to Other Dimensions, Rennes-les-Chateau, The Key, by Elizabeth Van Buren , page 177

Reindeer, Queens & Crowns: Part 1

2010-07-02T16:27:00.000-07:00

This crown is in Russia's State Hermitage Museum. (click to view the page about it.)

This crown is a beautiful 1st Century BCE artifact from Khokhlach Burial Mound, near Novocherkassk. The web page (see above) states that it was ritual piece used for fertility rites.
In my search for information about the Reindeer Goddess after my personal experiences (See links below) with the image of a Reindeer Woman, I came across many beautiful images from archeology and art of Siberia, Mongolia, and Europe. This crown is one of the most stunning pieces I have seen yet. It contains many symbols of an ancient tradition.

The crowned queen/goddess has a tree growing from her crown chakra. The tree represents Cosmic Tree/Axis Mundi the gives the empowered shamaness/priestess access to the other realms and dimensions. This same cosmic tree is found even today on the Evenk shaman's drum. Jacobson/1992) The Evenk rhythmic drumming mimics the sound of the running reindeer. The reindeer is the Evnek magical steed that flies the shaman/shamanka to other dimensions (Leonard/1995). The Saami also believe that the female reindeer antlers (the largest of the herd) are one with the Cosmic Tree's branches (Leonard/1995). Here, we see the correlation of the reindeer antlers with the cosmic Tree and Otherworld journeys. The Cosmic Tree is also a symbol for subtle body anatomy: the spine is the trunk of the tree with the branches symbolizing the brain.

A gold crown is symbolic of the luminosity of illumination. In the old religions, the "Illumined Ones" were the "Wise Ones", or the "Ones Who Knew". In art history we see a golden orb painted around the head of the Enlightened Ones to represent their spiritual attainment- also called their "glory". The first physical crown created by man has been speculated to be a crown of antlers to represent the sage's illumination and access to the Cosmic World Tree. After mankind developed metallurgy, the crown was made of gold. We see similar symbolism in the Kabbalah. After the destruction of Solomon's Temple, the "glory" no longer illuminated inner sanctum of the temple. Gradually, the Ark of the Covenant became dark, no longer communicating with the people. In the Kabbalistic teachings, the Sheckinah is the Glory. The Sacred Feminine, or the Shekinah Glory is in exile from the people and the land. Illumined living cannot return until the temple is rebuilt. The people MUST reconnect with the heart of wisdom (communicate with the Imaginal Realm). The ruler of the people cannot truly wear the Crown of Glory (Wisdom) until the Shekinah Glory returns.

Part II with show us the connection between the sacred feminine, the queen (reine) and reindeer (renne).

*Synchronicity: As I was writing this blog post, my mail arrived. There was a package from my paperback swap book order, containing 2 books. Witness to the Fire: Creativity & the Veil of Addiction by Linda Schierese Leonard, whom I quote in the above blog post. In this book is the original purchase receipt from Moe's Bookstore on Telegraph in Berkeley for 4-30-1992. I was working in Berkeley in 1992 for a professor who lived just above Telegraph, and I was often in Moe's Bookstore. The second book is , Six Myths of Our Time, Little Angels, Little Monsters, Beautiful Beasts and More by Marina Warner. I had never seen a copy of the book before. On the cover is a woman laying on the ground in a forest with antlers coming from her head.

Links to my other pasts on this subject:

Reindeer Goddess, Axis Mundi & Axis Shifts

Following Reindeer Goddess: an Inner Journey

Incubating Reindeer Goddess & Baby Blue

Reindeer Goddess & the Imaginal Realm

Becoming the Bridge

2010-06-22T15:57:00.000-07:00

"If you're after gettin' the honey, don't go killin' all the bees .." - Joe Strummer

Indigenous peoples, artists, visionaries, poets, musicians, have been informing us (for quite some time now) our current cultural values indicate a loss of soul. This idea is made even more apparent by seeing (with the heart) the images of the devastation caused by the Gulf Oil Disaster. For me, these images instill a sense of urgency within. How can we (whose hearts ache) do anything to help? Besides the obvious: raising money, calling government officials, raising awareness, we can take this opportunity to become the bridge. We can commit to entering a soulful life. A soulful life is one that views all manifestation as part of a living energy field. In his book The Spell of the Sensuous, David Abram calls this process "reinhabitation". People "have begun to apprentice themselves to their particular places, to the ecological regions they inhabit." (pg 271) This may sound simple. It is simple, but it is not easy. Apprenticeship means having to work. This work is nothing less than altering the collective consciousness through deliberate action. We will be moving against the stream of materialism, consumerism, and the stream of our own culture.

In my mind, I see that if we all start at home, in our own place, and reconnect with the living energy field around us, we could create miracles. If whole communities were living this way, from an organic movement (not contrived), it would naturally follow that events like the Gulf Oil Disaster wouldn't happen. Our values would be different, so our consumer habits would change. The living energy field is the Imaginal Realm (the world of Psyche) I've talked about in past posts. (see below) According to Abram: "By acknowledging such links between the inner, psychological world and the perceptual terrain that surrounds us, we begin to turn inside-out, loosening the psyche from it's confinement within a strictly human sphere,freeing sentience to return to the sensible world that contains us. Intelligence is no longer ours alone but it is a property of the earth; we are in it. of it, immersed in it's depths. And indeed each terrain,each ecology, seems to have it's own particular intelligence, it's unique vernacular of soil and leaf and sky." (pg 262)

In making a commitment to become the bridge between our current exiled (from the heart) state and the Imaginal Realm, we become a conduit for healing. Communion with our own place in the "Now" creates community, in the truest sense of the word. Start at home, honoring the soul of the home: the local Spiritus Loci (spirit of the place). Offer up just one flower in a bud vase... and next? The world.

Past blog posts regarding these matters:

Reindeer Goddess, Axis Mundi & Axis Shifts

Liminal Living- Borderlanders

Nature, World Soul & Gulf Oil Spill

What Dark Alchemy is This?

Reindeer Goddess & the Imaginal Realm

2010-06-10T15:47:00.000-07:00

Communicating with the anima mundi, Psyche, the Soul of the World--- whatever you call her, requires a different perception than our everyday way of seeing. To quote human ecologist Tom Cheetham; "To keep our internals open, we have to learn to read or write ourselves out of ourselves, and uncurl ourselves back into the world." (1)

He also talks about "reading the world" (2), as the Sufi's have in their dialogue with Khidir- the Green Man, the Angel of the Earth. Khidr, says Cheetham, is a "messenger from far beyond". (3) This realm, this "beyond", is the Imaginal Realm or mundus imaginalis. "If we recognize the realm of the imaginal as the mediating world between the purely physical and the purely spiritual, the schism between them can begin to heal".(4) The outward manifestation of the this schism manifests in the battle between technology and nature. (There isn't a clearer example of this schism than the current situation in the Gulf of Mexico. Man's titanic egoism (man acting as a god) has destroyed an ecosystem crucial to the Atlantic Ocean, perhaps crucial to the World, by building a proverbial Tower of Babylon.(5))

My own experiences with the Reindeer Goddess seem to reflect Tom Cheetham's ideas. She is from the Imaginal Realm. She is an aspect of the World Psyche which is the matrix for our own reality. We humans don't "have a psyche" (she is not a "thing"), we are immersed in Psyche. This is an living energy field. The modern world is in danger of losing it's very lifeline by disconnecting itself from our very source and matrix. This is what the prophecies (6) that the Reindeer Goddess left with the people of Lapland were warning us about. In those communications from the Reindeer Goddess, it is clearly stated that she is the "heartbeat of the world".(7)

An ancient , primordial deity has reached out to modern humanity to help them help themselves. I am not the only person she has contacted, and she is not the only primordial deity to contact the modern world. Anyone who hears the messages, and listens, enters upon journey of the heart. They become an alchemist, a poet, a visionary, a prophet, an ecologist, an artist, a musician -- one who speaks, and hears, the language of the heart. The journey of the heart is a path to authentic living, being real. This is not at the same as being literal. Literalism is materialism. Materialism is the worship of man as god: the worship of man-created things.

I choose HEART.

Notes:
Painting of Deer Woman by Susan Seddon Boulet

(1) Green Man, Earth Angel, by Tom Cheetham, page 113

(2) IBID, page 114

(3) IBID, page109

(4) IBID, page113

(5) my blog post here

(6) my blog post here

(7) IBID

What Dark Alchemy is This?

2010-06-05T17:46:00.000-07:00

"Nature be your guide; follow with your art willingly, closely."- Maier: Atalanta Fugiens
..the alchemist is advised to co-operate with nature.." (1)

Alchemy is the ancient art of turning base materials into gold. In spiritual alchemy, we transform our every day consciousness into the gold of illumination. The Deep Water Horizon Oil Catastrophe seems to be an act of the darkest type of alchemy. In the process of extracting black gold (oil) out of the prima materia (the ocean) for the sole purpose of self-gain, BP had managed to sacrifice many lives (human and otherwise) to the dark god of greed. Somewhere in the morass of their twisted thinking, they had the right to take these lives for the cause of the almighty dollar. They even had lawyers calculating figures on the appropriate amount of collateral damage they could allow before their agenda was affected. From what I can extract from various journals and analysis, that figure has not been met yet. This means that BP has not fully felt the consequences of their folly. Obviously they are oblivious to the signs all around them.
The photos of the poor , suffering creatures in the ocean and along the Gulf Coast tells a very sad story. In alchemy the pelican is depicted piercing her breast to feed her young. This symbolizes abundance as the alchemical process reaches it's culmination. (2) The current state of the pelican in the gulf tells us that the "experiment" is a complete failure. The alligator (3) represents the mercurial sun of wisdom in the alchemical process. The current state of the alligator smothering in oily mud shows us that the "experiment" has no light.
The color black (4) in alchemy represents the process of putrefication (5): the break down of the old body to make a vehicle for the new body. Yet, BP's reverse alchemy has resulted in the purification of the the "womb of life"... the result being an environment where no transformation, or new life is possible. In alchemy, angels represent the movement of air or breath which is the spiritualised product of the alchemical process. With BP's resultant smothering dark ooze, no breath can be taken... no beautiful wing can take flight.....

Dare we even label this catastrophe an act of the Dark Alchemy?

(1)A Dictionary of Alchemical Imagery, by Lyndy Abraham, page 11
(2)Ibid, page 143
(3)Ibid, page 48
(4)Ibid, page 26
(5)Ibid, page 26
(6)Ibid, page 7

Nature, World Soul & Gulf Oil Spill

2010-05-29T17:08:00.000-07:00

“Only as the written text began to speak would the voices of the forest, and of the river, begin to fade. And only then would language loosen its ancient association with the invisible breath, the spirit sever itself from the wind, the psyche dissociate itself from the environing air.”
page 254 The Spell of the Sensuous by David Abram/1997

I find myself , at this point in the journey, at a loss for words to embody the fullness of what I feel. I'm not talking about emotions. I am talking about the deep felt experience of an inner world.
Just before the Gulf of Mexico was poisoned through acts of human error (motivated by unadulterated greed). I had realized that the image of Reindeer Goddess as she presented herself to me in 2004, was an encapsulated teaching regarding the Anima Mundi or World Soul (part 1, part 2, part 3). Her image is one of the oldest images we have representing man's communion with nature. Art historian Esther Jacobson has outlined the progression of the deer goddess image in Siberian, Russian, Mongolian and European history. (Jacobson/1993) As I research through the labyrinth of art, anthropology, history and religion, I am excavating through the collective unconscious.
This is one point where words seem to fail completely.... This inner realm is so rich, so vast and so alive with Psyche's language of symbols and archetypes. I will try to say more about this in a future posting.

The environment where the the remnants of the neolithic clans who revered the Reindeer Goddess are in the modern Arctic, Alaska & Siberia. The politics of these environs are ruled entirely by the oil industry. The reindeer, caribou and their habitat are endangered by Big Oil. This brings me to the second thing where words escape me: The Gulf Oil Disaster. Having been touched by an aspect of the World Soul in her form as Reindeer Goddess/Animal Mother has put me in a very sensitive spiritual space.

Prior to the Gulf Oil Spill, I had a nightmare from which I awoke grieving horribly.
There are flashing red lights, an emergency.Suddenly a group of people run towards me from a crowd that is watching an unfolding crisis. They grab my hands and my arms, pulling toward the area that is down a slight incline that I know is at the water's edge. But I still cannot see what the tragedy is. They pull me, urgently, toward the drama. "One whose marriage you are a party in is mortally wounded!", one man says while pulling me down the hill. I KNOW that someone I am deeply connected to is dying, but it hasn't been revealed to me WHO. The crowd parts to let me through while flashing red emergency lights move through the vista. Just as they are about to bring to a clear view of the situation, I awaken.

I sit up in the night crying, not knowing which deeply loved being is so wounded. My self-centered thinking was limited to individual people in my life. It was days later that I realized the mortally wounded being was Nature and the critical incident was the Gulf Spill. Now, one doesn't usually go around thinking "I am married to Nature". I had never thought of my relationship with nature this way. Looking back through the years to my childhood, I can say it is true. The thing is: it should be true for every human being.
We are a part of nature. Yet, having an element of conscious and the ability to communicate makes us the guardians of nature. Historically, the concept of ruler-ship (Kings, Queens, & Presidents) was based on a marriage to the land. Sovereignty is a goddess of the land that the ruler has to protect and cherish. The crown upon the ruler's head is the Glory, the Light of Wisdom, the deep knowing that only communion with the World Soul can bring.
So what can be done now? How does humanity restore divinity?

Nature as mother is the World Soul. The womb for all life on our planet is the ocean.She is mortally wounded. Now is the time to remember who we really are. We need to hear the voice of the forest, the cries of the ocean, the pleas of all creatures.

Daughters of the Sun

2010-05-18T13:37:00.000-07:00

Below is a beautiful meditation of the nature on reality written by Parmenides (5th Century BCE). Peter Kingsley translated this piece in his book Reality. No matter where I go in my inner journey, I always come back to Peter's writings. It clarifies so much for me... reminds me of how tricky our perceptions are.... reminds me that "mind" and "matter" are not separate. Clarifies, with each reading, the teaching of the Goddess whose veil we wear while we are in our bodies... for this is her world. In her world, Wisdom is what is required to skillfully navigate the sea of our illusions. (In Parmenides day, they called it metis and it means so much more than our English word "wisdom".) No matter where I get carried away to, I come back to Parmenides & Peter Kingley's Reality.

This time, I returned to the daughters of the sun while following the reindeer. Before the mares that carried Parmenides, the reindeer carried the wisdom holder while her antlers carried the sun that illuminated the darkness. The reindeer was the first domesticated animal, and mankind's first "chariot" on both the inner and outer journeys. And no matter where mankind goes, the Wisdom Teachings remain the same.

"The mares that carry me as far as longing can reach
rode on, once they had come and fetched me onto the legendary
road of the divinity that carries the man who knows
through the vast and dark unknown. And on I was carried
as the mares, aware just where to go, kept carrying me
straining at the chariot; and the young woman led the way.
And the axle in the hubs let out the sound of a pipe
blazing from the pressure of the two well-rounded wheels
at either side, as they rapidly led on: young women, girls,
daughters of the Sun who had left the mansions of Night
for the light and pushed back the veils from their faces
with their hands.

These are the gates of the pathways of Night and Day,
held fast in place between the lintel above and a threshold of stone;
and they reach up into the heavens, filled with gigantic doors.
And the keys — that now open, now lock — are held fast by
Justice: she who always demands exact returns. And with
soft seductive words the girls cunningly persuaded her to
push back immediately, just for them, the bar that bolts
the gates. And as the doors flew open, making the bronze
axles with their pegs and nails spin — now one, now the other —
in their pipes, they created a gaping chasm. Straight through and
on the girls held fast their course for the chariot and horses,
straight down the road.

And the goddess welcomed me kindly, and took
my right hand in hers and spoke these words as she addressed me:
'Welcome young man, partnered by immortal charioteers,
reaching our home with the mares that carry you. For it was
no hard fate that sent you travelling this road — so far away
from the beaten track of humans — but Rightness, and Justice.
And what's needed is for you to learn all things: both the unshaken
heart of persuasive Truth and the opinions of mortals,
in which there's nothing that can truthfully be trusted at all.
But even so, this too you will learn — how beliefs based on
appearance ought to be believable as they travel all through
all there is." ---Paramenides, translated by Peter Kingsley
from Reality pages 26-27 2003 Golden Sufi Center

Incubating Reindeer Goddess & Baby Blue

2010-05-15T17:06:00.000-07:00

This is Blue. He is the first wild reindeer born in England since the ice age! He was born on May Day (May 1, 2010). See his story here.
Photograph: Adam Gerrard/SWNS

"Reindeer Stone with Flying Reindeer Over the Moon"

Click here to see part 1 and here to see part 2 of this story.

I apologize for not posting sooner. It seems that following the Reindeer Goddess is nothing less a task than going to the moon. I have been digging through academic texts, mythology, the internet. I have traveled to the Arctic, Alaska, Mongolia, the Russian Steppes, Scotland--- mentally, of course. The story of the Reindeer Goddess is at least 18000 years old. This means the stories are not spelled out for us. We have to perform nothing less than an excavation of the mind stream of the human race. Indeed, during this process I have dreamt of rich earth incubating life in a "mind/mine shaft". (Psyche loves puns and riddles!)

I have tried active imagination, engaging the image that came to me before the 2004 Sumatra Quake and resulting axis shift. "Keep digging." she says. "Incubate, grow this image." she replies.
I have found very little said about this mythic image. In desperation, I turned to words like "stag", "hind", "deer" and "antlered" in texts on myth, religion, Jungian Psychology, art history, and archetypes. The Scythians had an abundance reindeer/stag images on petroglyphs, clothing, gold crowns, gold pins & golden statues. But why?, I ask.

I have found that Christianity has not been kind to the Reindeer Goddess. Theories about her are not popular among academics. I do know that what little evidence there is regarding her existance shows that reindeer people of all countries were originally matriarchal. Whatever practices her priestesses had were taken over by the males shamans. (Shamanism as we know it originated in Siberia.) We have alot of writing about shamanism these days... I want to know more about what came before shamanism. Hints are left to us in the Nordic myth of Freya: she was the source of seidr - the powerful tradition of Norse magic. She gave the teachings to Odin.

There are clues to this ancient deer goddess tradition in Tibetan Bonpo teachings. From the Indus Valley we find remnants of an ancient priestess-hood that left us images of the horned goddess as tree of life. These images show us the roots of vedic alchemy, as well. Priestesses called yoginis, dakinis, and yakshas gave the sages the secrets of herbal medicine, and teachings of human transformation. After the Brahmins (a male dominated system that denigrates woman to this day) took over, these wise women were called witches, untouchables & whores. I am grateful to have encountered some of these ancient teachings in the Nyingma (Ancient Ones) texts that my own lama gave me. Of course,at the time I received the teachings and the empowerments (formal ritual of receiving) for the teachings, I had no idea where they would lead me!

In a prior post, I quoted a prophecy from Lapland. Reindeer Goddess gave humanity a warning: not being in harmony with nature will lead to our destruction. In spite of her fierce warning, there is also also the promise of regeneration. The antlers... they bear the tidings of new birth. I will talk about this more in a future post, after I incubate.

We Are PPI 2010.mpg

2010-05-07T22:33:00.000-07:00

Watch carefully in the sequence with the four poster bed.
When PPI Jason leaves the room,
the flashlight turns on by itself.
This is in my home.
PPI was able to talk the "spirits" into doing this
on camera on four separate occasions

Following Reindeer Goddess: an Inner Journey

2010-05-02T16:29:00.000-07:00

(This is an image of a Scythian reindeer from 5th century B.C.E.)
On March 25, 2010, I wrote a blog post about my experience with "reindeer woman".
To read that story click here.
Since posting that story, I've had a few synchronicities involving the reindeer motif. One happened when I was at a nearby Borders store in the anthropology section (which is very small). I picked up a book up at random. The title was Inside the Neolithic Mind by Davis Lewis-Williams & David Pearce. I opened to a page at random and I was very suprised to see the heading on the page that the book opened to (pg 161): Inside the Cave of the Reindeer Woman! It is a Samoyed story of the initiatory journey of a shaman. The axis mundi/tree of life was inside this cave, along with many numinous beings. In his relationship with the imaginal realm (inner world), the shaman was able to develop powers (siddhis) that enabled him to serve his community. After the initiation, he returns to the cave of the reindeer women in times of need, to access the imaginal realm an find ways to restore balance to his people.

Also through synchronicity, I discovered another connection to the reindeer goddess and the earthquakes that I wrote about in my former posting. I found the Lapp people's story about the creation of Earth in the writing of Linda Scheriese Leonard. (Creation's Heartbeat: Following the Reindeer Spirit). In this story from Lapland, the creator uses the body of his favorite creature, the reindeer doe, to create the world. He hid her still-beating heart in the centermost depths of the Earth. Here I will quote from Ms. Leonard's book:

"The vaja's (reindeer doe) heart would be the heartbeat for the earth, so that when peace and love reigned the reindeer doe's heart would beat with joy. But if hatred and greed disrupted the earth's harmony, her heart would convulse in pain and tremors would shake the earth from top to bottom." [page 30]

It seems that the reindeer goddess speaks to some of our current worldly issues. Besides the mythic connection with earthquakes, the reindeer's natural habitat is being destroyed through weather changes and the oil industry.

A very dear and close friend brought me a special gift last week, when I was too weak to leave my home: it was a handmade bracelet of reindeer antler, made by the Saami people. It has Saami runes on it. Since I've had such a powerful set of encounters with the reindeer goddess, I have decided to follow her on an inner journey and see where she may lead me. I am too physically incapacitated to travel in the outer world to follow the reindeer. Perhaps my illness is part of what enables me to mine the inner world for riches. I hope that what I may find serves others as well.

Naga Encounter

2010-04-25T11:57:00.001-07:00

(This image came from www.cranedance.net)
I grew up on the American-Canadian border, in the St. Lawrence river valley. My child hood was very isolated, and I spent most of my time alone with nature, the woods, and the river.
My very first experience with otherworldly beings happened when I was less than 2 years old. One night, I woke up in the arms of an immensely muscular being. He was cradling me as he, and others like him, were gliding through the field towards the woods behind my home. I remember how hard his arm and chest muscles were, yet I also knew I was safe. I dosed off briefly, and awakened to a luminously glowing room that seemed to be in a cave, or under the ground. That is when I saw that the beings I was with were half human and half serpent. In my child mind I called them the dinosaur people. I had no other context for what they were. They were tending to my battered and bruised body after an incident of severe abuse. One of them said to me "This is going to be a very difficult life for you. But- you do not have to repeat the behavior that you witness." I knew he meant for me not to hurt others the way I was being hurt. I also knew that this life was an assignment that I had to complete. I felt very precious in the presence of these beings, like I was a jewel. I did not feel that way among my birth family. I awoke the next morning and tried to explain to my mother that the dinosaur people had visited me. I told the story to my beloved grandmother as well. They both thought I had a vivid imagination!
Life was very hard for me, but I never forgot what these beings had told me. I never saw them again face-to-face, but I felt them near me often. It wasn't until I was 35 that I finally found the name for what these beings were: Nagas and Naginis. I discovered a beautiful tale about and 8 year old Naga Princess who had attained enlightenment under the tutelage of the Bodhisattva Manjurshri. There were many years of naga synchronicity following my discovery that my dinosaur people were nagas. (That is another story for another day.) However, the image of the naga at the top of this page is a replica of the Naga Princess that lived in my home for 9 years. She now lives in a beautiful shrine at Ari Bhod. She was a gift from myself to Lama Gyatso.
Since that day,Lama's shrine attendant calls me "Naga Princess".

7.2 and a Cluster of Quakes

2010-04-04T19:01:00.000-07:00

Last night I started having dizziness, headaches and a feeling of malaise. My ears felt plugged. I had a disturbing night, and felt terrible when I woke up. I told my husband that something was very wrong with me, but I didn't know what it was. I even felt disconnected from my body. We agreed that if it got any worse we would go to urgent care. Then I did something I rarely do: I went back to bed. I couldn't function! I dozed in and out all afternoon. I had earplugs in so I didn't have hear the neighborhood noises. Late in the afternoon I was alerted by a sound that was similar to wind chimes. I knew there are none nearby, so I ignored the sound. Then the bed started to shake. I realized we were having a quake, but this one wouldn't stop. I got out of bed and opened the bedroom door. My husband wasn't home... he had gone to the store. I heard the whole building CRACK. I ran outside to find all my neighbors outside as well. The shaking kept going on. When the ground stopped moving we all went back inside.
This quake was 130 miles away and it was a 7.2. We're still having aftershocks with different epicenters up and down the fault line that the original quake was on. This is the worst quake I've experienced and the first major quake in my local area since I became sensitive to quakes. To read more about these experiences click here and here. Trish & Rob MacGregor have written about others who are sensitive to earthquakes on their SYNCHRONICITY blog: click here and here.
Damage assessment is still in progress, and reports from the epicenter in Mexicali are just starting to come in.
I didn't see Reindeer Woman (which may signify an axis shift)-- unless you count the book Creations Heartbeat: Following the Reindeer Spirit, by Linda Schierse Leonard. It was in may mailbox late yesterday afternoon...

Liminal Living- Borderlanders

2010-03-25T19:09:00.000-07:00

In my search for an explaination to unusual phenomena such as the premonitions I have before some natural disasters, I read a lot of material. Below is a quote from a fascinating book by a Jungian analyst who spent many years among the Navajo, just listening. Living in the Borderland, by Jerome S. Bernstein.

"Borderland people personally experience, and must live out, the split from nature on which the western ego, as we know it has been built. They feel (not feel about) the extinction of species; they feel (not feel about) the plight of animals that are no longer permitted to live by their own instincts, and which survive only in domesticated states to be used as pets or food. Such people are highly intuitive. Many, if not most, are psychic to some degree, whether they know it or not. They are deeply feeling, sometimes to such a degree that they find themselves in profound feeling states that seem irrational to them. Virtually all of them are highly sensitive on a bodily level. They experience the rape of the land in their bodies, they psychically , and sometimes physically, gasp at the poisoning of the atmosphere. Often they suffer from "environmental illness". This psychic identity with the animate and inanimate objects of nature is a phenomenon that anthropologist Lucien Levy-Bruhl (Levy-Bruhl, 1966) recognized among native cultures, and which he called participation mystique. It is a psychic identification from which , up until recently, westerners have been totally alienated." -Jerome S.Berstein Living in the Borderland (page 9)

Reindeer Goddess, Axis Mundi & Axis Shifts

2010-03-25T12:24:00.000-07:00

This image is of a Scythian reindeer pole, representing the Goddess as Earth's Axis and the World Tree. It is part of the archeological finds in the Pazyryk Valley of Ukok Plateau in the Altai Mountains of Southwestern Siberia, Russia. The finds were dated 6th-3rd century BCE. The mummies at this site were c tattooed with images of reindeer. Click here to visit the site this image came from.

On the night before the tragic Sumatra Quake in December 2004, I had a wild dream encounter:

I am facing a goddess. She is half human , half reindeer. She is a mixture of skin, fur and hair. She has enormous antlers. She is very powerful. She is flinging my body around, like a lasso, holding it by the hair. My body's orbit stays the same, until she shifts it slightly, subtly. Then my body's orbit changes. I just know somehow, that she is Reindeer Woman.

When I got up that morning I saw what had happen during the night. Sumatra had an unprecedented quake, with ensuing destructive tsunamis.

Earlier in the week, My husband and I were out running errands. Suddenly , my left ear had a long, sustained ringing and I had simultaneous visions of destruction and flooding. I knew many would die. This was one of my first encounters with this type of visionary experience. I was disoriented and my husband had to hold me up until it was over. I told him what I was witnessing. I felt horrified. I knew it would happen in 3 days time, but not where it would happen.

Then came the above dream. I had no idea who Reindeer Woman was. I did correlate my body in the dream with the Earth. I mention in my profile that I have a complex of autoimmune diseases. I had, long ago, come to a conclusion: the illness of my body is somehow directly linked to humanity's damage of our environment and that my condition was a mirror of a larger issue regarding the whole planet. Consequently, in the above mentioned dream, my body was the Earth. But who was this powerful goddess?

Many days after the horrific event in Sumatra, scientists announced that the earth's axis had shifted.This quake was the 2nd strongest ever recorded and the Earth continued to oscillate for four months after the initial event. When reading about the Sumatra quake causing a shift of the Earth's axis, I realized that Reindeer Woman was somehow link the axis. I did some library and internet research, but found nothing regarding a reindeer goddess and the axis of the earth. At the time, the only material I could find on reindeer goddesses was Linda Schierse Leonard's book Creations Heartbeat: Following the Reindeer Spirit. Leonard feels the reindeer is an excellent motif representing the re-emergence of the Goddess.

On February 24th, 2010 my husband and I were in a thrift store. There was a rather dog-eared, hard covered novel on a shelf. I noticed there was a sketch of a rock with a pictograph of an antlered woman on the cover.(I can't remember the title!) I handed the book to Larry and said; "The last time I saw reindeer woman, the Earth's axis shifted." He knew that I was talking about the Sumatra quake. He asked me if I wanted the book. I said no.... I didn't feel very well and the store was very busy. I needed to leave. I didn't dream about "Reindeer Woman" that night, but I did have a difficult experience the following night, as described here.

On February 25th, Chile had an 8.8 earthquake off the coast of the Maule Region, with tsunami warnings issued for the Pacific Rim. On March 1st, scientists declared that the quake caused another axis shift. My heart sank when I realized the significance of coming across the image of the reindeer woman yet again. Now, I was determined to find the connection between this image, and the Earth's axis.

I discovered the research of art historian Esther Jacobson. In her book The Deer-Goddess of Ancient Siberia: A Study in the Ecology of Belief, she documents the transformation of the image of the pre-shamanic, neolithic reindeer goddess as Axis Mundi (world tree), through time and history. The qualities Jacobson linked the reindeer goddess to Included: (Jacobson/1997)
* deer mother as tree of life
* source and end of each clan's lineage
* beginnings endings regeneration
* her sacred places include heavenly bodies,rivers, mountains ((Jacobson/1997)

According to the Global Action Network, reindeer were domesticated as early as 7000 years ago, before the horse was domesticated. The reindeer is the only species where the antlers are larger on the female and she is the leader of the pack, making this image of the Great Mother Goddess par excellence.

Her image has been traced repeatedly on stones, in caves and among standing stones. Originally she was portrayed as the axis of the Earth, with her tradition being rooted in an ancient identification with cosmogenesis. Her images were dynamic, in motion, half human into reindeer with the antlers morphing into birds & griffins reaching toward the sky. She was often portrayed with a mirror, representing the concepts that Earth is a mirror of the Heavenly, and the afterlife a mirror of earthly life (in reverse). Her morphing form with antler branches represent the whole Tree of Life. She has been found tattooed on the mummies of the Pazyryk Valley.

Jacobson's work also shows where the tension between the sexes began, in the Iron age. This is shown through the progression of the images of the deer-goddess on rocks and in caves. As time went on, the reindeer goddess image degenerated into a cult object. Then she was replaced by male shamans, who wore her skin. Drums made from her skin replaced the rhythm of the riding of the reindeer. She went from Lady Owner of the Universe to a guide between the living and the dead.

I also found remnants of the reindeer goddess in the history of the Bo and Bon traditions, the shamanic roots of Tibetan Buddhism. In this tradition the pole star was called the deer star, long before it was connected to the image of the bear.(Ermacov/ 2008). We see this reflected in the goddess Artemis whose name comes from an Indo-European word for bear, yet she is pictured with a deer and a lion.

Reindeer Goddess is so ancient that she has very few written names. Herodotus writes that the primary deity among the Scythians was the deer-goddess Tabiti. Among the Evenki people of today she is called Bugady Enntyn and her title is "Lady Owner of the Universe." There are traces of the deer-goddess in the Scottish Highlands in the ancient tradition of the Calleach, wise-woman.

How does a modern person come to be connected with ancient primal deities? Why did a neolithic Reindeer Goddess show up in my dreamscape? More specifically, why did she assert herself into my consciousness twice, before an axis shift? Jungians, pagans, Sufis, Kabbalists all believe in the "return of the the goddess". It seems to me, she never left. I am going to make a more conscious effort to connect with Her.

UPDATE: 11/17/2010 Please read my latest blog post: Following Reindeer Woman: Pazyryk Preistess & Deer Artifacts

Ryan Bingham in El Cajon, CA

2010-03-10T14:22:00.000-08:00

The above photo is a copy of the photo Ryan Bingham signed for us last night. I don't know who took the photo. It was given to us will we we standing there.

Last night, my husband I went over to our local Borders, which is just down the hill from our home. We watched Ryan Bingham perform a 4 song set, including the the song "The Weary Kind". Ryan and co-writer T-Bone Burnett received an Oscar for this song this past Sunday. It was sung by Oscar winning actor Jeff Bridges in the movie Crazy Heart.

This event was not widely advertised. I did receive an e-mail notice last week from
Lost Highway Records, before Ryan won the Oscar. Borders did not advertise the event, and this particular Borders has never held an event. A local radio station, KPRI, sponsored the event, though I didn't hear any promotion for it on the air.

For Larry & I it was unusual: to walk into our regular haunt and have something amazing happen. There were only about 60 people there, so the atmosphere was intimate. Ryan is a very heartful singer, and an amazing guitar player. His lyrics have depth, delivered with a gritty voice full of longing. (He used be a bull rider!) Afterward, he talked with everyone- one at time. He was extremely humble and gracious. He put his arm around me and a press photographer took our photo. I wish I had a copy!!!

I highly recommend Ryan's CD's... music homegrown here in America: Mescalito (2007) and Roadhouse Son (2009).
Visit His website here.

I hope all Ryan's dreams come true for him.

Compassion, Suffering, and Courage

2010-03-06T16:15:00.000-08:00

This is a re-post from my other blog, Life in Neverwell.

"Compassion literally means to feel with, to suffer with.Everyone is capable of compassion, and yet everyone tends to avoid it because it's uncomfortable. And the avoidance produces psychic numbing -- resistance to experiencing our pain for the world and other beings." ~Joanna Macy

The above quote was on Lama Surya Das's Face book page. It's very relevant to me because I have noticed something painful in the course of being chronically ill. People turn away from my life because it causes them to feel depressed. Seeing my illness causes them suffering.

When I was caring for my terminally ill infant daughter (1993-1995), it was a rude awakening for me to see that people would rather not know her, because they considered it too painful to watch her life. Caring for my daughter Laryssa, loving her, meant accepting her exactly as she was without wishing her to be something else. Even some of the doctors in her life had problems with her condition, because they viewed her as a "non-viable life form" (their term). Anything but a human being. Everyday folk would say things like "Tsk tsk, what a waste." Seeing this, I vowed to consciously stay with suffering in others when the opportunity arose.

I once asked my precious lama, Lama Chodak Gyatso Nubpa "Why do they call this process enlightenment? It should be called endarkenment, because you can see everyone is suffering. You can't even walk on grass without killing a bug."

"Stay with this", he replied.

Even my beautiful compassionate Lama has died. He acquired hepatitis as a child in a refugee camp in India after escaping from Tibet. (He was a young boy and he witnessed most of his family being slaughtered.) Last October, he died of liver cancer, the outcome of the hepatitis. I know he didn't turn away from witnessing suffering. I know he lived what he taught.

I pray I am brave enough to live what he taught.

Quakes, Visions & Dharma Practice

2010-02-27T11:51:00.000-08:00

Image of Lion Faced Dakini from Himalaynart.org

Last night was a night from hell. I dreamt about crumbled buildings, disasters, and immense suffering. I woke up several times with demonic type presences in the room. So I did my Lion Faced Dakini practice when I was conscious, between disturbing visionary states.

Since 2004, my left ear registers high pitched rings prior to earthquakes all over the globe. When this phenomena first started happening, I talked to my lama, Lama Chodak Gyatso Nubpa. I told him I was hearing high pitch ringing 1-3 days before significant quakes, occasionally with accompanying visions of disaster and loss of human life. He verified that this was real. Being a new, immature student, I asked if he could take this phenomena away! No, he said. He did give me practices to do, consisting of mantras and meditations, to help those beings who are dying and suffering.

I didn't get any ear ringing for the 8.8 Chile quake (which is up to 52 50+ aftershocks, and counting). Instead, I was very dizzy, with severe ear pain yesterday. I spent the afternoon and evening on the couch. With the Haiti quake and aftershocks, I heard the ringing in the left ear, but I did not have visions.

All of this is very frustrating to me.

Toward morning I dreamt/had a vision that I was with Lama Gyatso and other lamas. We were doing Chod practices, which are often used during cataclysmic circumstances.

"May sickness war, famine, and suffering be decreased for every being." -Red Tara Practice (Chagdud Gonpa)

Chained Angel II: a painting

2010-02-21T12:27:00.000-08:00

This is a painting about my struggle with chronic illness (CFIDS/ME). The angel's dress was inspired by the Horse Head Nebula.
Her wings represent Deep Space. She is chained in a cave deep within the Earth/matter.This is a paradox.
Feathers fly around her and she cries tears of blood.

Painting has been a healing and cathartic experience. It has given me a way to express the inexpressible. Painting is also a way of moving the feelings through the body, instead of just holding it in.

To read more about my illness on my other blog, click here.
To see the companion painting to Chained Angel II click here.

Just a Thought

2010-02-13T14:19:00.000-08:00

We are suffering beings in a suffering world. This is why we must have compassion for our suffering. We are trying to bring the Divine into this suffering realm. This requires a great amount of attention, a process called mindfulness. This is not an easy thing to do. We are overcoming instinct and habit. This is the way to true freedom.

Pacific Paranormal Investigations

2010-02-08T09:53:00.000-08:00

This past Friday, I did get to spend time with a wonderful group of people. They have accepted me , illness and all! Pacific Paranormal Investigations is a scientifically based, open minded group that aspires to help people deal with unusual phenomena.They are non-profit and they do not charge for their services. Being in this group is fulfilling a life long dream for me. I had decided to be a paranormal investigator many years ago, in 5th grade. I needed to find answers to my strange life experiences.
Visit our website here.(While you're there, you can join us on our bulletin board.)
Follow us on Facebook here.

For those who are new to my blog, I met PPI when they investgated my own home. Read about it here.

Lilith: a Painting

2010-02-06T21:54:00.001-08:00

A Excellent Article on Psi & Consciousness

2010-02-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

Researcher David Luke has written an article about the six years he spent studying yogis and Tibetan monks doing meditation. He explores the different levels of consciousness that the yogis and monks access, as well as the practice of meditation and it's affects on psi. Click here to read his study: Shifting Consciousness: Six Years with Yogis and Tibetan Buddhists posted on Brainwaving.com.

Personality Types & Paranormal Experiences

2010-02-02T14:15:00.000-08:00

Below is a revised copy of a post I made recently on a web bulletin board.

This is brief and general overview of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and the Keirsey Temperament Sorter (KTS) and the personality types that are most likely to experience paranormal phenomena.

History: the modern theory of temperament/ type was developed by Carl Jung. He was a long time apprentice to Freud. He was expected to inherit Freud's legacy. However, Jung had a series of paranormal encounters. It was his need to understand these that lead to his notorious split with Dr Freud. (See Memories, Dreams, Reflections, by Carl Jung. For details and works of art produced because of his paranormal encounters see the recently published The Red Book, by Carl Jung). Jung then developed a theory of temperament & type to help Psychiatrists and therapists to better understand their clients. This became our modern Myers-Briggs Type Indicator ( MBTI) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator , and the Keirsey Temperament Sorter: http://www.keirsey.com/default.aspx .

Method: Each person is given a questionnaire. Depending on the answers to the questions (preferences), an individual will be determined to be one of 16 possible types. This is determined using a scale of 2 sets of four qualities.

How you become energized:
Extroverted---------Introverted
Extroverted keywords: outgoing, social
Introverted keywords: being alone

How you take in information:
Intuitive------------Sensing
Intuitive keywords: seeing the big picture in a non-logical way, psychic, imaginative
Sensing keywords: tactile, practical, detail oriented, logical

How you base decisions:
Thinking----------------Feeling
Thinking keywords: logical, fact-based, not personal
Feeling keywords: empathy, decisions made in a personal way

How you organize time and energy
Judging------------Perceiving
Judging: closure, conclusions, completion
Perceiving: open-ended, alternative perspectives, variety

Your type will be based on the following options:
ST’s (sensing thinkers) ISTJ ISTP ESTJ ESTP this group makes up approximately 30 % of the population.

SF’s (sensing feelers) ISFJ ISFP ESFJ ESFP this group makes up approximately 43.4 % of the population.

NF’s (intuitive feelers) INFJ INFP ENFJ ENFP this group makes up approximately 16.3 % of the population.

NT’s (intuitive thinkers) INTJ INTP ENTJ ENTP this group makes up approximately 10.4 % of the
Population.

Of all possible type listed above the ISFJ,s make the largest group (13.8%) and the INFJ’s (1.5%) make up the smallest group.

The above statistics are from Wikipedia

Findings: Repeated studies have indicated that the Intuitive Feelers have the highest reported incidences of reported paranormal experiences. A 2004 study done by Richard Broughton from the University of Northampton, England, narrowed the particular quality to Intuitive, with all others not being statistically significant (Radin 2006). Dianna Arcangel (1997) did a study of 68 individuals who had after life encounters. 96% of these individuals were NF‘s (Intuitive Feelers) on the MBTI.

Within the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and Keirsey Temperament Sorter, one the qualities of the INFJ is “psychic”. This is the smallest percentage of the population at 1.5%.

In conclusion, through the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and Keirsy Temperament Sorter , we find that there is a personality type that is more prone to paranormal experiences. It is found generally among the Intuitive Feeler, and more specifically among the INFJ’s (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judger).

Information:
To see a copy of the MBTI online see: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

To see a copy of the Keirsy Temperament Sorter see the book Please Understand Me II, by David Keirsey
And the website: http://www.keirsey.com/ .

Note: It is best to have this test administered by a professional. If you decide to self test, answer the question based on how you actually are, and not on how you wish you could be.

One of These Things is Not Like the Others...

2010-01-31T17:20:00.000-08:00

Recently, a question was raised on a bulletin board that I frequent: What is the difference between an Ouija Board, a crystal ball, and tarot cards? The context of the question was why the Ouija Board wasn't considered as being similar t the other items. This is my 2 cents:

There is a big difference between an oracle (tarot cards, crystal ball, runes, I Ching), and a tool to contact disembodied spirits (Ouija board). Consulting an oracle is a way of centering your self and talking to the "inner sage". This is an introverted process. The Ouija board is an extroverted process: you are asking for contact with entities outside of your psyche. This is the same as allowing yourself to be a medium, where spirits use your body. With an Ouija board spirits are borrowing your energy and using your arm. The Ouija board was designed specifically for communication with disembodied entities.

An oracle is simply tapping into your inner self. In Christian cultures, there is a big misunderstanding regarding the use of oracles, and they have been labeled as "evil", just as the Ouija Board. Of course,there are misguided people who use oracles believing they are contacting spirits, not understanding that they are connecting with their own subconscious or shadow aspects of their psyche.

Psychologist Carl Jung studied oracles and found them to be statistically significant in regards to synchronicity : two or more things connected acausally (i.e. with no chain of action and consequences.) He found that observing synchronicity enhanced one's ability to achieve their hidden innate potentials (individuation).

Speaking personally, I have collected/studied/used Tarot cards now for 36 years, with no trouble with spirits or entities. However, my brief use of a Ouija board as a teen did cause a problem that was solved by burning it. I have found similar stories among other people.

"The Void", Emptiness, Sunyata

2010-01-23T15:49:00.000-08:00

I was recently asked by a reader if I had any information on "The Void". The man who asked the question had encountered "The Void" in a meditation practice he had been doing. He found the experience very peaceful, but wanted more information. He quoted some sayings of the Buddha in his question.
Below is my response to him. (Any mistakes are purely my own and do not reflect the teachings of my teacher.):

Here are some other names for The Void:
India/Hinduism: Shunyata, Sunyata

Tibetan Buddhism:
Clear Light
Dharmakaya
Emptiness (state of being empty)
Suchness
Skylike Vastness (where our perceptions are clouds)
Basic Space
Luminous Emptiness
Tibetan metaphor: Sky, Mirror-like
In Vajrayana, we steer away from the term "void" because Westerners often mistake it for nihilism

Zen Khensho: seeing one's true nature

Kabbalah: at the top of the tree of life is the sphere Kether ("crown"), and above the crown is AIN, nothingness

Sufi: The Unknowing that is Knowing, Invisible Black Light, state of Spiritual Poverty (were "poverty" emptiness)

This is an authentic spiritual experience. In Tibetan Buddhism it is the beginning of the path, in the sense that is the basis of the path's work. My understanding of the Buddha & the lineage's teachings on emptiness is this: All that we experience is an illusion, in the sense that it is like a dream. We are all wisdom beings who reside in Pristine Awareness (Dharmakaya, emptiness) but we have forgotten this fact. That is why humanity is said to be asleep. They have forgotten the Vast Pure Wisdom (Rigpa)that they really are. Glimpsing the void is remembering who you really are. The point of true meditation and an authentic spiritual path is to create habits that will support remembering our true nature.
The tricky part is this: the ego is afraid of the Void, because it senses it may be annihilated. The work of the path is to trick the ego into experiencing Insight in a spontaneous way. In Western Occultism, there are many sad tales of premature exposure to The Void. This why an authentic teacher is so important.

When I have talked to Lama Gyatso about these experiences, he has said "Yes these are real experiences, but don't cling to them." I wondered why he said "Don't cling to them." I later discovered that clinging to the memory of a former experience interferes with spontaneous-ness of a fresh, new experience.

My personal experiences include a near death experience: I was not able to be in my body. I found myself trying to talk to my daughter (who couldn't see me), then I was in the future witnessing future events. Finally I was in that beautiful space that you described in your question to me. All this took place in 45 minutes. In a more ordinary way, my everyday practices that the lama has given in involve emptiness. The meditation is this: creating a deity image and then dissolving it into emptiness. This is what the practice of Dzogchen is all about. If you look into it's literature, you will find myriad ways of describing the indescribable: Emptiness.

So, you see, your glimpse into the The Void as brought you to the very core of why we have Spiritual Traditions.

Like you have pointed out, this is a hard topic to describe. Forgive me if i have not clarified very well!

Debra

Synchronicity Note: withing minutes of posting this I picked up a book at random from by bookshelf: MOEBIUSTRIP, by Giti Thadini. The book opened on the last page and these words jumped out at me:

"It is the face of zero, of sunya.
It has a unique enigma.
It is indivisible."

The writer ends her story at a goddess shrine in Kunzam Pass (India). Upon opening it she discovers a mirror: emptiness.

Poem Synchronicity

2010-01-15T19:23:00.000-08:00

My first post on the Pandora's Feast blog was an unplanned poem that flowed out of my pen the day I posted it:

It was a time of tricksters and thieves,
a liminal point between aeons.
Chaos reigned.
(Her name was Eris.)
Pandora freely bestowed gifts upon humanity
in the form of epidemics, plagues & mysterious illnesses.
Pan had been displaced, or maybe he had a sex change.
Who Knows??

Last night, four days after the poem was written, was our condominium HOA (Home Owner's Association) meeting. My husband is on the board, and I fill in where needed. I almost didn't make it due to illness. 2 board members could not attend due to illness. One homeowner was in attendance needing approval for a project.... because of illness.

A new homeowner who had just purchased a unit came to just to say "Hi". The name???
ERIS!!!

In the poem the goddess of chaos is called "ERIS", AND Pandora is spreading "epidemics, plagues, and mysterious illnesses".
Hopefully no thieves were there!

Now I need to write something about abundance, lottery winnings and random acts of awesome-ness.

Is that way this sychronicity and creativity thing works?? :-)

Being 'Witchy Like That"

2010-01-11T12:28:00.000-08:00

This morning, my daughter made a moderately frantic call to me.
"Mom, you're my only hope! I can't find my car keys." This means she wants me to use my "abilities" to find her keys. She's never called me to do this before. She told me that she had torn her place apart, and the keys weren't anywhere. She told me that she thought they were outside.

I replied with something like: "Don't make me your only hope. I've been in bed, sick for three days, so I'm not all together."

"Mom, would you please try?", pleading.

Before I finish the vignette, let me explain. Even though a psychiatrist at a S.U.N.Y. facility in upstate New York discovered my abilities when I was child, I have always been conflicted about being "witchy like that". The first thing my mother said after the psychiatric consult, and the findings, was this: "It's the Devil." End of story.

Just this past Christmas my mother called to complain that her three children don't spend time together. (I am the oldest, an only girl.) She said, "The Ouija boards and voodoo dolls are too much for your brothers." I calmly told her that there never has been voodoo dolls. I also pointed out that the Ouija board was something she had bought for the household when we were kids. I haven't owned one in my adult life. She was dead silent. With family like that, who needs the Inquisition???? Now, you can see why I was so conflicted about having such abilities. No acceptance or support from my nuclear unit.

Fairly recently in my life, I've found some reasonable acceptance of my gifts. For example, in my Lama's home. His wife Ama-la would come to me, "Debra could you find the missing ___________________? You're witchy like that, in a good way." Off I would go to find whatever the named missing object was. Very helpful, very ordinary.

So back to this morning. My daughter moved into a new apartment 4 days ago. I have never been there. It's about 10 miles from my own home. I directed her-- go to the side of the couch next to the coffee table. Look down around on the floor there, and under the couch. "They're not here." she says.
More direction: move up along that side of the couch, and pick up the cushions. "Here they are!" she exclaims. "Thanks , Mom, and I love you."
"I love you too.", I reply. End of conversation.

I did notice during this little drama that I was too sick and exhausted to even be conflicted about being witchy like that. Maybe this is a good thing.

The Awkward Psychic Moment

2010-01-08T19:00:00.001-08:00

I usually write my blog in the mornings, but this evening something happened that was a little unsettling. Usually, there are days of relative quiet here, but this evening there was a commotion in our home. A neighbor came the door at the very same time the telephone rang. My husband took the phone and I went to the door. The sun was setting and there was a beautiful light on the buildings facing our unit. The neighbor at the door wanted to give me her keys, because she was leaving town on a trip. I went outside to chat with her, admiring the last rays of sunshine. Another neighbor, "T", came walking by with her two children.
I said to "T"; "I have saved two sturdy boxes for you to pack dishes in." She stops, her jaw hanging open. Her children stopped too, and were staring at me.

"Uh-oh", I thought. "Was it something I said?"
"T" then said "How did you know we were moving?"

I quickly went through a mental index, searching.... and not finding a reference point, I quickly asked "Didn't you tell me?"

"No, I didn't." she said. "Debra, we didn't even know we were moving until today. We weren't going to leave until April, but we got a call about a new place today, so we are leaving this month."

The other neighbor pipes up "Well, she knew you were moving because she told me!"

There is no social etiquette for times like these! What does one say?
"Well, I'm sorry, I am psychic, and sometimes I have no clue I know things!"???

"T" and her two children walked off with the boxes. I had been saving the boxes since Christmas. At least we all had a good laugh.

Hummingbird Urgent Care

2010-01-07T11:42:00.001-08:00

There is a story on my other blog--Life in Neverwell-- you may enjoy. Click here.

Once in a Blue Moon

2010-01-01T14:31:00.000-08:00

We use the saying "once in a blue moon" to refer to something rare, or unusual. Last night's blue moon was such an event. The second full moon for the month of December 2009, and it was on New Year's Eve.

I had a dream last night- the details escape me- but I woke up knowing that an obstacle had been removed. I woke up to a bright sunny CA day. As I pulled my curtains back, I found an unusual sight. There was a small newly opened iris growing in the clay pot outside my window. Now, these plants were given to me 2 years ago by my neighbor. They just wouldn't bloom. In the 3 years I have been here, they have never bloomed. Yet, still, I watered them. It was very sweet seeing this bloom on New Year's morning.
The iris has another significance for me. After I had taken refuge with Lama Chodak Gyatso Nubpa, I had a vivid dream. I dreamt of 3 dakinis (magical female deities) coming down from the sky. Lama was there. When they arrived, I noticed an iris growing out the ground. Lama said to me "It's a sign from THE GODDESS (Tara)." It is interesting to me that in Sanskrit, the name "Tara" means "star", "bridge", "savioress", and "eye". The iris, besides being a flower, is a part of our eye. After my refuge ceremony, Lama gave me my Dharma name, which includes the name "Tara". In the Dharma, they say that meeting one's root lama (main teacher) is a very , very rare event. Once in a blue moon, we could say.

In the past I have spent New Year's day at Lama's home. He left our world this past October, and I was unable to make the trip to his home this year. The iris tells me "I" (eye) am still with Lama, and he is still with me.

Update on Paranormal Investigation in My Home

2009-12-27T19:01:00.000-08:00

Pacific Paranormal Investigations (TAPS/Ghosthunters Family Member) has asked me to join their team!!! I feel honored and excited. The best Christmas present ever!

To read about the 2 investigations they completed on my home this year see: Part 1, Part 2,and Part 3.

Return of the Feminine and the World Soul: reading and internet synchronicity

2009-12-27T13:10:00.000-08:00

Though I am a practitioner of the Tibetan Nyingma tradition, I still draw inspiration from a variety of mystical traditions. The time I spent in the company of Purna Das Baul - a Sufi- opened my eyes to the divine Feminine in a most amazing way. In Purna Das Bauls teaching's, a man develops a relationship with the Divine Mother ("Ma", or "Shakti") through developing the divine within: the Man of the Heart. Women are "Ma" embodied, by their very nature. This is the divine play of the longing for the Divine Other, the Beloved. These same mysteries are expressed through the story of Yeshe Tsogyal and Padmasambhava in the Nyingma teachings.
On Christmas Eve, I found myself reading The Return of the Feminine and the World Soul, by Llewellyn Vaughn-Lee, an American Sufi.
On page 52 was the following passage: "The feminine mysteries of love --the sanctity of longing, the receptivity of the heart that is always awake, waiting for her Beloved, for that moment when love comes secretly and sweetly-- need to be reclaimed and honored. Only through receptivity can we give birth to the divine as a living presence within ourselves and within out lives." I then put the book down for a short break.
I decided to play a game of Scrabble Blast on line. The letters are random, computer generated sequences. I was surprised as I recognized the first word I would highlight on the game board: beloveds.
After completing the game, I picked the book back up to resume reading on page 56. A sentence on the page popped out at me: "For example, the Internet is a powerful, living image of life's interconnected oneness." Llewellyn Vaughn-Lee is talking about how the Internet is reconfiguring our collective unconscious, allowing our unconscious to communicate with us in new and non-traditional ways.
This sequence of events certainly has me thinking about the internet in a whole new way.
UPDATE (12/28/2009)This morning I discovered an relevant post on a Jungian analyst Heide M. Kolb's blog. On 12/26/2009, She had written an entry entitled On Avatar and the Return of the Feminine- a Jungian Perspective. She talks about the archetypal imagery in the movie Avatar, highlighting the World Soul/Anima Mundi. She also points out the parallels between the Na'vi people in Avatar and their similarity with the image of Krishna. (Krishna is also involved in the play of the beloveds through the lila of Krishna and Radha.)

Word Patterns & Karma

2009-12-21T09:56:00.001-08:00

My daughter and I like to play Scrabble. Playing a round this past week , we both noticed certain word patterns in the letters we were drawing out of the bag. While playing I was thinking about some posts on Trish and Rob MacGregor's site Synchronicity. They were noting the synchronicity in some of the word verifications for posting blog comments.
Jokingly, I said to Desiree "I wonder if there is such a thing as word karma.? Would each of us have different experiences with words due to our individual karma?". She said that it was good question, and she made her play on the board. I flashed back to one of my spiritual teachers telling me that we have repetitive patterns with names in our lives, due to karma. She had also explained that the names represent certain "energies". At my turn, I put 6 letters on the board, and reached in to the bag to replace the 6 letters I had used. I was very surprised to see the letters "D L PAGE E" staring back at me. This is my first 2 initials, last name, and an extra "E". I showed Desiree and she laughed said "I guess your question is answered! You should put this on your blog."

"On intuitive and creative people..."

2009-12-19T17:59:00.000-08:00

"Anyone who can confront a visionary experience consciously, distinguish it from physical reality, reflect upon it's inner meaning and perhaps give it artistic form removes it decisively from the realm of pathology."

- Jungian analyst Janet O. Dallett, from her book Saturday's Child: Encounters with the Dark Gods

(The above photo was taken from behind my home with a Sony Cyber-shot. There were also two rainbows on each side of the sun at the same time. It appears to be some type of winged cat griffin.)

Holiday Sychronicity

2009-12-15T09:46:00.000-08:00

On my birthday (December 7), my husband and I were at a department store picking up a few things. My daughter called on my cell phone to tell me that she would be at our home in 2 hours. We had no specific plans for the day, she just wanted to see me. As we were getting ready to pay for our purchases, Larry & I saw some beautiful bird Christmas ornaments on extreme mark-down. We made an "impulse purchase", and brought the bird ornaments home. On the drive home we talked about not having a tree for the past 6 years, and how we would like a small living tree to put the birds on. Shortly after arriving home, my daughter walks up to our doorway with a small beautiful potted pine tree! She said, "Mom, I saw this tree and I just had to bring it to you! I don't know why." I showed her the bird ornaments. We all laughed about the mother-child telepathy bond always being there (she's 24) as we decorated the tree.

Adventures in Ghost Hunting- in my own home! Part 3

2009-12-06T11:59:00.000-08:00

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here. A photo of the black lacquer box is here.

During their first investigation of our condo, Pacific Paranormal Investigations (PPI) found at least 11 EVPs (Electronic Voice Phenomena). To our relief, none of the EVP's are threatening. Most of the voices seem to want to be helpful, or playful. Most of the recorded EVPs were not heard by anyone when they were spoken.

* In the bedroom, an investigator was using a technique called provoking to try to get a response. He yelled at the spirits, accusing of them of being animal abusers (because I had reported that the cat was chasing shadow critters through the home). He said to them that they would probably abuse children if there were any in the house. EVP: (child's voice, shocked)"NO!" The investigator noted here that he heard something. This is the same room where the flashlight came on by itself.

* Twice during the night, recordings of an entity mimicking household noises were recorded. One was the sound of a cell phone on buzz mode, when no one was in the room. Another was caught when an investigator opened the bathroom pocket door, which squeaks. Right after the squeak there is a voice mimicking the squeak. This made us laugh when we heard it. There were also 2 EVPs of laughter.

Most of the EVPs were recorded on a digital recorder that was placed on or near the black lacquer box in our living area. Here are a few:

* When an investigator was using a handheld thermometer he requested that the spirits change the temperature. At this point the temperature drops from 72.3 down to 71.9. He says: "Keep tryin'- seventy-one point nine. Can you make it 70?" EVP:(female voice) "I can't".

* An investigator was setting up HI-8 camera, explaining out loud what he was doing. He stopped in mid sentence. EVP: (female voice) "Do what?"

* One clear (class B) EVP was caught when no one was in the room. EVP: (a rather scruffy sounding male voice) says: "karatsu". This EVP lead to some interesting research. The results were used during the second investigation.

Naturally, after viewing and listening to the PPI investigation results, I wanted to learn as much as possible about our home, and neighborhood. I discovered that our neighborhood was settled in the late 1800's and early 1900's. It was designed to be a Bohemian artist's colony. They even called it "God's Garden" because of the green hills and many trees. Our condominium complex was built in the early 1960's as a retirement community. There was no record of anyone dying in our condo, but there were a few deaths on the grounds over the years. None of the deaths appeared to be connected to the phenomena in our condo. The hill that our complex is built upon contains a rare vein of diorite. This substance was treasured by the ancient Egyptians, Mayans, as well as the builders of Stonehenge. It was used temple complexes, and statuary in ancient times. Perhaps this stone's magnetic qualities contribute to the conditions that allow spirits to interact with the human realm?

I then turned my attentions to the mysterious word "Karatsu". The lacquer box was from Japan, and is at least 40 years old. Karatsu is a city in Japan, but I couldn't find connection between the box, and the city. I then discovered that there is a trickster being in the Japanese Shinto belief system. His name is Karasu! This being resides in a small family shrine in each home. (The shrine traditionally has foxes on it, but cats are accepted as well.) He is an ancestor spirit whose totem is the crow, and he is a guardian of the dharma. I happen to be a dharma student, though my teachings come from the Vajrayana and Ati-yoga traditions of Tibetan Buddhism. Coincidentally, ravens and crows happen to be extremely relevant in my family's life. I spoke with a friend of ours, who is very familiar with the Shinto practices and this is what he said about karasu: "You either have to ship him back to Japan, or you have to allow him a place in the home." I gave karasu an official place in the lacquer box (which may have already been his home, and how he came to be in our home). Our cats love the lacquer box, and often one of them will spend an entire afternoon curled up on it.

PPI came back for a second investigation in September of 2009. We all wanted to see what changes there may have been due to repairing the collapsed conduit (see part 2). They focused the equipment around the black lacquer box and the bedroom. At one point, 3 investigators communicated directly to karasu in the bedroom. They asked him if he would show them some tricks. When they asked him to turn on one particular flashlight, he turned on a different one. He did this 3 times with three different flashlights!
There was only one EVP found in the 2nd investigation: An investigator asked the spirits if they could change the numbers on the Geiger counter that he held. EVP: (scruffy male voice)"Paintbrush." Maybe he was joking?

Before the session in the bedroom, PPI filmed me doing one of my dharma practices: a meditation. During this time, the home was completely silent for over 30 minutes. Not one instrument registered a change.

At the conclusion of the second investigation, PPI labeled our home "Possible Paranormal Activity/Inconclusive". As with all their investigations, the evidence will remain open for interpretation based on what they learn in future investigations.

After the second investigation, I spoke to any other spirits that might be present. I told those who had been human and died that they needed to pass on. Any other type of being could stay if they would respect the family and protect the home. After this, things became much quieter. We still hear household noises mimicked: a favorite is imitating the doorbell when no one is there. (After being awakened twice in the wee hours of the morning, I told karasu that he can't be waking us up when we sleep unless it's an emergency. I explained I was too sick with my ME/CFIDS to handle it.) During a visit with my daughter, he imitated my daughter's cell phone.We both heard the "buzz" in her purse. She pulled the phone out, but there wasn't an incoming call. We both laughed when this happened.

I wonder about the dreams of fire...probably I was psychically (but unconsciously) aware of the fire hazard. Sometimes I wish that ESP could be more specific! I believe the ghost woman that awakened me with such urgency was kindly trying to warn me of the danger we were in with the fire hazard. I am thankful for her help, even if it startled me at the time. The shadow people my husband & I saw at the beginning of this adventure could have been the effect of the EMF field on our brains. One PPI investigator saw a shadow being during the first investigation, but it wasn't on any of the video footage. They believe the EMFs were affecting him. The shadow people haven't been seen since the conduit was replaced and the EMF field went back to normal readings.

At this point I am reminded of one conversation I had with my Lama, Venerable Lama Chodak Gyatso Nubpa. We were discussing my conflicting feelings about having ESP, and the troublesome spirits I often encounter. He said "I understand what you mean. It's like this: your mind is like a football field, and beings just want to play. You have not be "sticky". You have to not want them to leave and not want them to stay."

The Black Lacquer Box

2009-12-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

This box appears to be at the center of paranormal activity in our home.
Read the story here (part 1) and here (part 2).

Aventures in Ghost Hunting- in my own home! Part 2 of 3

2009-12-03T16:31:00.000-08:00

Read Part 1 here
As I've stated in my profile, I am psychic. I grew up in an isolated area in upstate New York, where this "gift" was considered evil. I've spent allot of my life conflicted about this "gift". I have paranormal experiences everyday, and there is a range of what is normal for me. What made our current circumstances so disturbing to me was that I couldn't "read" what was happening in a clear way. All in knew was this: My family was in danger. This is why we called Pacific Paranormal Investigations.

After we contacted PPI, they sent us a detailed questionnaire. They are very thorough in their data collection: they even want to know what medications you take. All of this is important in evaluating what you are experiencing. I told them I was a "haunted person", in the spirit of complete disclosure.

PPI arrived at our home on the evening of May 9th, 2009. Karl Sherlock, Brain Miller and their team immediately put my husband & I at ease- they really listened to our concerns. They were very professional and took many notes. They then proceeded to set up the home with monitoring equipment: DVR recorders, camcorders, digital tape recorders, EMF detectors, AC field detectors, thermometers, K-II meters, and many other devices.
Larry and I went to a neighbors home for the night. At approximately 3 am PPI called to inform us that the investigation was over. When we arrived at our condo, they immediately showed us that the floor was emanating a very high EMF field. (Safe readings are under 1.0 milliguass. Our floor read 30-50.0 milliguass!) This high field ran across the entire width of our home, and our couch was sitting directly on it.(When I had checked for EMF's, I didn't check the floor because there isn't a cellar.) No wonder we were having strange experiences! High EMF's affect the brain, as well as creating general malaise. For me, this was made worse by my electrical sensitivities and my auto-immune disorder (which often translates stimuli as trauma). PPI then left, assuring us that they would call us when they had analyzed all of their data.

At this point, we called another electrical contractor to our home. I showed them the high EMF's along the floor. They informed us that our mid-century condo probably had a collapsed conduit. They did some diagnostics that confirmed that the main electrical conduit for the entire 9 unit building was under the floor, and embedded in the concrete. Our unit was the last in the row. The shielding around the electrical wires had corroded and water had surrounded the live lines, pulling the electricity from the field for the entire building into our home. We were living in what is called a "fear cage". $5000, and 3 days later, new lines were threaded under the roof. The contractors asked my husband to go the the side of the building before they cut off the electricity to the old conduit. They showed him that all the meters in the wall were arcing (buzzing , popping with live electricity), and they said it was a miracle that there wasn't a fire! At this point we were very grateful for PPI and their equipment! As soon as the old conduit line was cut, and the new conduit was turned on the EMF's went down to 0.0 along the floor.
Repairing the electrical system solved many of our problems: my heart rate gradually went back to normal, the high pitch ringing, humming,& buzzing was gone, the shadow person and shadow critters were gone. My night terrors of our home catching fire did not recur. The ghost lady desperately trying to awaken me did not come back. Imagine our surprise when PPI contacted us to tell us that their investigations turned up anomalies!!!

This is what we learned at the "Reveal"( a professional term for sharing the evidence with the client):
*There were at least 11 EVPs (Electronic Voice Phenomena), including what appeared to a female, a male, and a child.
*There was an incident of an investigator's flashlight coming on by itself in the bedroom, caught on DVR.
*The beings/spirits appeared to be intelligent: they interacted and responded to the investigators.
*A majority of the phenomena appeared to be centered around a black lacquer box (which we had purchased at a thrift store). See photo here.

In part 3 of this story I will share some of the EVP transcripts, and talk about the results of a second PPI investigation.
Read part 3 here.

Adventures in Ghost Hunting- in my own home! Part 1 of 3

2009-11-28T12:08:00.000-08:00

In March 2009, my husband and I began to notice that strange things were happening in our home. There was a constant hum/buzz sound and a feeling of pressure in our ears & head while we were in the home. Our computers, cable equipment, phones (both land-line and cell) began to malfunction frequently. I began to hear a constant high pitch ringing in my ears which kept me awake. We assumed it was an electrical short. I have a tri field EMF detector, an older model given to me by my electric company in 2004. (My chronic illness includes electro-sensitivities.) I found high readings on one wall where our water heater and heating/AC controls are located. We decided to call our electric company. Over the course of 3 weeks, they sent 3 different techs to our home. They could find nothing to account for what we were experiencing. They all could hear the buzz/hum and one guy could hear the high pitch ring. The last tech asked if he could pray for us before he left! Larry (my husband) and I found this very odd... We then called out 3 separate contractors, one general and 2 electrical. The general contractor said he could find nothing wrong with wiring, etc. The 2 electrical contractors found nothing as well, but the last guy said he considered the EMF levels coming off the wall toxic. Later , a neighbor informed me that one of the electrical contractors told her our condo was haunted!
Six weeks into trouble shooting our home, Larry and I both started seeing a shadow person moving through our condo, into the hall, and disappearing into the bathroom.
Then came a series of visitations by "ghosts". A woman would awaken me in the night with a sense of urgency saying "Ma'am!". Nightmares were frequent : always about our home being on fire. Our cat,a Maine coon named Thomas, was chasing little shadow creatures through our home, and we both could see them! I was experiencing tachycardia, severe muscle cramps, head aches, inner ear pain, insomnia, and sun burn like rashes on my body. I went to my doctor and my inner ear had become infected. My resting heart rate was 99. She ran tests, but could not find a reason for the higher than normal heart rate. At this point I knew that I would probably have a serious physical collapse if I couldn't determine what was affecting our home.
I kept wondering: who would have the type of equipment we need to analyze our environment for causes to the disturbances? After careful research, we emailed a local organization: Pacific Paranormal Investigations. (They are part of the TAPS family. The Atlantic Paranormal Society are the Ghost Hunters on SYFY.) As it turns out, hiring PPI may have saved the lives of ourselves and our neighbors. The investigation also turned up some unexpected and intriguing results, which I will reveal in part 2 and 3.

Butterfly Bouquet: a vivid dream

2009-11-22T10:44:00.000-08:00

During my life I have recognized a pattern in my dreaming. My dreams often bring guidance , synchronicity, and inspiration to the issues I am facing.
Recently, my husband and I were presented with an economic crisis. After mulling it over (worrying!) for several days, I had the following dream: My husband and I receive an delivery of a bouquet of flowers. As we unwrap the cellophane surrounding the flowers , live butterflies are released from bouquet the into the air. The colors of both the flowers and the butterflies are vivid, luscious, and striking- very surreal. In this dream world, it is a ritual that upon receiving these flowers, one must send a similar bouquet to someone else. As we are putting together a bouquet to send, I say to to my husband: "Make sure that the blooms have living butterflies, because the butterflies are the message." At this point I wake up. As I am coming to awareness I think to myself "This dream reminds me of the movie What Dreams May Come". I am filled with longing to paint the butterfly bouquet on canvas. (I am an artist, and used to love to paint. Sadly, I have been unable to paint due to severe loss of eyesight combined with neurological problems, due to my illness: ME.) I also feel compelled to immediately tell my husband the dream. After telling him, we discuss that we both feel strongly that the dream is a positive omen regarding our current crisis.
As the day went on, I could not shake the stunning image of the butterfly bouquet. In a phone conversation, I tell my close friend Christine (in PA) about the dream. She said "Just like that movie What Dreams May Come!" (We have never discussed this movie before.)
Our crisis hasn't been resolved yet, but I will update this blog as the magic of the dream unfolds.

Why I Became Involved in Health Care Reform

2009-11-17T09:59:00.000-08:00

Getting involved in an organized movement is new to me. My daughter is struggling with receiving proper health care for her severe illnesses. I couldn't stand by and watch these struggles without trying to make a difference.
My 24 year old daughter has had a 4 year struggle with repeated , severe staph infections that are life threatening. She has been in the emergency room every 9o days (except for one 6 month period this past summer). She works full time, and is going to school full time. She has supported herself for 6 years. She has been unable to get a job that provides health care. This was okay for the first 2 years. Then she started having the severe, repeated staph infections. It wasn't until her last visit to an urgent care center that she was informed that the staph has "mutated to her to system and her immune system is attacking her own body." The Dr. told her that this is very serious, and that she needs to have consistent, regular medical care, because her life is being threatened. Unfortunately, this is not an option for her. Last year, after accumulating approximately $60,000 in medical bills in a 3 year period, she tried to file for bankruptcy. She doesn't have the $1600.00 to pay for this process. Unfortunately, we can't help her. We are struggling as well.
Last week she was informed that she may be expelled from her school because of repeated absences. She had two staph infections last month and was bedridden for over a week. If she is expelled, she will still owe the school $12,000 for student loans.
The bottom line here is this: we have a 24 year old with a medical condition, no health care option available, and mounting debt currently totaling $72,000. She is a tax paying American citizen. What is wrong with this picture?
Her story is not unique. Her story is an average American story at this point in our country's history. I believe that health care is a human right (not a privilege) and it should be available to every American. This is why I am now involved in Organizing for America.

A Liminal Fruit

2009-11-11T15:20:00.000-08:00

We all know the story of Persephone, Hades and the pomegranate seeds. One interpretation is that Persephone was tricked by Hades into eating the seed, forcing her to remain in the underworld one month for every seed she ate (6 or 7). Another version is that Persephone (the rebellious daughter) deliberately ate the fruit so she could spend time with Hades in the underworld, much to the chagrin of her mother Demeter. In all versions, we discover that the mediator between the Earth and the underworld is our old friend Hermes the trickster. In Wisdom tales the pomegranate represents desire, the binding force between spirit and matter. Persephone (as Wisdom herself) ate the fruit to bind her consciousness to the body. This is the Gnostic Sophia, lamenting her lost children (humanity). Descending into matter, she aspires to awaken them from their delusional sleepwalk... the dream we mistake for reality. Hermes, represents the nature of reality, a creation of our collective mind streams. This collective mind-stream is a very tricky place to navigate. Our consciousness keeps forgetting itself! It is the clinging to our desires that traps us.
Pretty potent stuff- this rich, red fruit that enables an immortal to move between realms.

2009-11-08T14:40:00.000-08:00

"In the end the only events of my life worth telling are those
when the imperishable world irrupted into this transitory one.
That is why I speak chiefly of inner experiences, amongst which
I include my dreams and visions."
C.G. Jung; Memories, Dreams, Reflections

A Heartwarming Coincidence

2009-11-03T09:11:00.000-08:00

In 1993, our second daughter, Laryssa, was born with a rare, spontaneous genetic mutation. (The probable cause of her condition was my own illness.) She was given 12 days to live, but she had other plans. She lived 1 year and 10 months. During our time with her, many wonderful people from the local hospice came to our home to help with her care. She died on 09/09/1995. And life went on...
Two years ago, my husband & I were trying to locate a doctor (under new health plan), who could treat my disorder. After a few false starts, I consulted with a neighbor (who is now my good friend) who worked in the administration of the largest hospital system in San Diego. She came to my home and made a phone call,asking one of the top people at the hospital "If you were very ill with a chronic immune dysfunction, who would you want to be your doctor?". A name was given to us. The Doctor's office was less that a mile from our home, and she was taking new patients. I set up an appointment. My husband accompanied me to the appointment, and sat with me in the office. When the doctor came in, she sat down reading my history. Then she stared to cry. She looked at us and said "I know you both. I worked with Laryssa as a volunteer." Suddenly I remembered her too, a young sweet woman who had lost her mother to cancer. We all cried and hugged. Then she said that she has a daughter now. I asked when she was born, and the doctor replied 09/09/1995. The very day Laryssa died! We were all amazed at the coincidences.
What a beautiful gift from the past!

A Word About this Blog

2009-11-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

Due to my illness, my writing process may appear disjointed or fragmented. The things I write about may not be in sequence. There are times where my brain has problems with words (such as calling the dishwasher a washing machine). Often I have neurological problems which making typing difficult, for example, I may hit the caps lock key instead of the shift key. Then I have to retype everything. This makes things slow going for me.
The subject matter may hop around, because I will write it as it comes to me. If I wait another day, I may forget to write it at all.
And so, I ask the reader's forgiveness in advance...
If you want to read more about living with this illness check out other blog:
Life in Neverwell.

U2 at the Rose Bowl 10/25/2009

2009-10-30T16:14:00.000-07:00

My husband, daughter, and a good friend were fortunate to see U2 at the Rose Bowl. I have been following their music since 1981. The first time I ever saw them was at the Cow Palace in San Francisco in 1985. I was pregnant for my daughter at the time. The the Rose Bowl show was my daughter's first time at a U2 show. The whole day was a massive event with 96,000 people and mid- 90's heat. For a person with ME (myalgic encephalmyelitis), this type of event is an endurance test that could set the body back into a full relapse. As a family, we all made the decision that it may well be worth the cost. (It's been 6 days since the show and i have been housebound, mostly on the couch since then.)
As a dharma student, this is a good way to see how well you apply your practices!
The day was grueling, but the show was fantastic. I will not go into commentary on it all, but I uploaded photos.