Thursday, May 5, 2011


       Due to the condition of my health, I am forced to stop doing almost everything... except manage my illness. I am very upset about this, but I can do nothing but surrender to the truth. The truth is that the daily maintenance of my body in it's current condition is a full time job. This means I will be taking a break from blogging both here and on Life in Neverwell.
I am going to try to work a little on Quintessia's Journey, if I can.

During the course of my 30 year oddessy with this amalgamation of immune disorder(s), ME/CFS, etc. (see my other blog, Life in Neverwell for clarification), I have tried everything to change my condition. I've done all the New Age  "think yourself well" programs (which lead to me ignoring symptoms in an effort to will myself healthy. Silly of me. And dangerous.) I had extensive counseling and analysis, which showed this was not a psycho-somatic in origin. I've participated in experimental drug trials. I have spent $10,000's at an environmental clinic, purifying my body. I have met with authentic shamans, psychics, and gifted healers. I also became a Reiki Master in 2000. I have tried supplements, herbs and peculiar diets (I am NOT allergic to gluten). I have tried almost everything (within reason) to bring my body to wellness.

I feel it's important for people to realize that being chronically ill is not a failure on the part of the sick person. The idea that there is "something out there, but you just haven't found it" is also useless. No one wants to be this debilitated, to live a half-life. All of us with chronic illness are doing the best we can with what we have.

So.... in the spirit of living the truth, I am admitting that I need to withdraw from putting my attention anywhere, but on the needs of my poor sick body. It's the least I can do for it.
If I should improve or have a reprieve, I be back at this  blog.

I want thank everyone for the good wishes, prayers and healing rituals. Those efforts are not lost in the bigger picture. Compassion never is lost, even if we don't see the result of our actions.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Planetary Empaths & Reindeer People

Susan Seddon Boulet

     Although I was born intuitive and empathetic, nothing prepared me for how those qualities would progress through life. It was in early 1990’s that I began to notice that my intuitive flashes were expanding to include world events. The curious thing about this was that it was translated into body symptoms. Occasionally, a dream or a  dream or vision (like watching  a movie) would accompany the symptoms, but this was not the norm. I would feel a strong grief & heartache days prior to a world event. This would be almost crippling. I kept wondering: “What is wrong with me?” Then I began to notice a pattern. The grief episodes would precede and event, and disappear when the event happened: Princess Diana’s death, the beginning of the Gulf war, the Columbine school shootings, the Virginia Tech school shootings and the housing market debacle.

    In 2004 there was an abrupt change in these abilities (To read about this event click here.) I started hearing a range of tones in my left ear, accompanied by a range of symptoms: dizziness, vertigo, headaches, bleeding in the ears, heart palpitations, strong feelings of foreboding, pressure in the head. I did go to my Dr. and had everything checked out. There was no explanation. A pattern emerged: approximately 1-4 days prior to an earthquake or volcanic eruption, the left ear would ring. Then came the other symptoms. The symptoms would disappear after the event- unless there was more to come. My other symptoms remained:  I was bedridden the day prior, and the day of  the Easter Quake (2010 Baja California) which also caused the ground beneath my home to move. I lived three months after that with the feeling of living on water, like standing on a dock with constant rocking. This event was also preceded by bleeding in my ears. (I went straight to the doctors with this. After a full exam they could offer no explanation. “Yes, we see the blood, but there doesn’t seem to be a source. You don’t have brain tumor.”) I received warning about the cataclysm in Japan , without knowing where it would happen. This scenario has not finished playing out. Though I didn’t have inner ear symptoms, I did have a lucid dream and body symptoms preceding the Gulf Oil Spill. This is another event that hasn’t completed it’s cycle.

    It was through Trish and Rob MacGregor’s blog Synchronicity (now called Synchroscrets) that I found others like me. Trish and Rob  coined the term “Planetary Empaths” on March 11, 2010 to describe the group of us that were having similar symptoms prior to cataclysmic events. From then on I have been looking at theories to explain what an planetary empath is. What are the empaths connected to? Why is it happening? Is it evolutionary? A few of the empaths have asked  this question repeatedly “ Why are we given enough details to know something horrific is to occur, but not enough information to doing anything about it?” I have often noticed that I didn’t know what the meaning of the dream or vision was until the actual event was unfolding. Why? What is the use of this?

   Though I have always been somewhat psychic, I equate my empathic abilities (in so far as they are connected to the earth) with the arrival of an image I called Reindeer Woman. (I have blogged about my search to uncover who or what this image is, to read the fist in the sequence, click here.) This is how I came to be  recently re-reading  a book by author Peter Vitebsky, The Reindeer People: Living with Animals and Spirits in Siberia. It  has been full of synchronistic insights for me, both in regards to Reindeer Woman, and the work of a planetary empath.

    Vitebsky documents his conversations with the Eveny, “The Reindeer People“. They show him how important the nightly dreams of the tribe or group are to their survival. The dreams warn them about changes in the environment, or about death and illness. The dreams tell them when they are out of balance with the “spirit of the place”, or with their reindeer herds. Yet, notes Vitebsky, the dreams themselves “put up impenetrable barriers to any understanding before it’s fulfillment.” (Vitebsky/2005,pg 298)  And “the meaning of the dream revealed itself with shocking clarity when it was fulfilled. It was as if the dream was taunting the dreamer with her helplessness.” (IBID) The tribe’s answer this conundrum, through time, has been  to develop systems of divination that clarifies the dream. The tribe also has group dreams, shared between 2 or more members. They explained to Vitebsky  that while there existed group or conventional dream symbols, each dreamer has symbols that mean certain things specifically to that dreamer.  Some members of the tribe  will have bodily symptoms preceding specific events.  When the camp had an encounter with a hungry wolf, Vitebsky reported , “Later I found out Granny had felt a twitch the previous day in her left cheek , on the side that indicated something bad will happen.” (Vitebsky/2005 pg 344) (Italics mine: myself and other empaths have report a particular tone or ringing in the left ear only prior to a quake, or volcanic eruption.) The camp's pets and herds also gave warning prior to important events. Even the arrival of strangers is preceded days in advance by animals of the tribe.
From the cover of The Reindeer People,  by Vitebsky

    In an attempt to "civilize" the nomadic Eveny people during the Russian Revolution of the 1920‘s, the shamans of the tribe were removed. Most were never seen again. Yet, the living field (described as spirits of the land, animals, trees, creatures and ancestors) that the Eveny people communicate with is still talking to them, through dreams, their pets and herds, and through their bodies.  Vitebsky’s wife came to visit him at the Eveny camps  Sally, a psychologist from England “came to feel that the land had sent her dreams even while she was still in England.” (IBID).

    For me, this example- the Eveny people - gives a possible explanation of what the phenomena of  being an earth empath may be and how it may work. It seems that there is no future if humans completely cut themselves off from this "living field”. Traditionally, this living field calls the few it will communicate with. These individuals don’t have a choice: they have to listen. Since we no longer have a place for the traditional role of the shaman in our culture, it will be interesting to witness how this relationship between the unseen living field and the humans it chooses to interact with will continue to develop.  It would also appear that for our postmodern planetary empaths, the field has expanded: we are dreaming the world's events, not just our own locale.

A very ancient path being fused to the post-modern world…..

Sunday, March 13, 2011

A Healing Experience with "The Grays"

    During my life, I have had what has come to labeled abduction experiences. I wasn't always happy to have the experiences. I hesitate to share these experiences- I'm not sure why. I have decided that they are a part of my journey, and they should be shared.
     Lama Gyatso once spoke to the sangha, briefly, about these types of experiences. He said "There are myriad beings in the universe." He went on to explain they often want our attention. He then said that we are not obligated to respond to them. My last experience with them, I told them to never contact me again. They haven't.

  During the time frame of my experiences,  I would suddenly wake up in their presence. There were three, with a taller one in the middle. I always felt that there was busyness going on all around us, so I felt like there were many. But I only saw 3 at a time. I once witnessed a small one shapeshifting into a human form. I also felt their minds were all connected telepathically.
     One particular experience stands out for me: At the time, I was working at a lighthouse with many stairs to climb. My left knee was giving me a very hard time. I was going to make an appointment to see a Dr. about it. One night, I woke up in a brightly lighted room with the 3 grays. They were operating on my knee. I was a little startled, but decided not to panic. I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder  13 years before this. I said to them " Since you are fixing my knee, why don't you cure my disease?" The tall one answered me telepathically: "This (the knee) is a mechanical problem. The disease is karmic. We can't change karma." Then I passed out.
     I awoke the next morning and looked at my knee. There were 2 tiny almost healed cuts and a little bruising. I went to work that day, walking up the long flights of stairs.  My knee never bothered me again from that day. I did show my boss the knee. She had always been fascinated by my dreams & experiences. We laughed about it.
     To be honest, I never saw any evidence that these beings are extraterrestrial in nature. I did witness shape shifting, telepathy & healing. To this day I don't know who they are, or what they are. I don't feel they are evil, though I did spend a period of time being angry at their intrusiveness. I did notice they seemed fascinated with human emotions. They are very tricky beings, so it's hard to come to solid conclusions regarding them. I think they come from inner space.

Note: Butterfly Nebula photo source: Hubble .

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Lessons in Becoming a Ma (Goddess)

On the road with Purna das Baul
      While I was writing  about Mother Mirra on my blog about alchemical women, Quintessia's Journey, I was reminded of some of my most precious memories. It was while reading of Mirra's Alfassa's (The Mother) time with Rabindranath Tagore   in Japan, that I was pulled back to a very magical time in my life: the time I spent with Purna Das Baul whom we lovingly called Baba.

          The Bauls of Bengal are a lineage of minstrels - gypsies- Sufis that travel the world singing love songs to the Divine. Purna Das Baul's lineage goes back nine generations. As a child he traveled with his father Nabani Das Baul throughout India. Nabani Das Baul was a close friend of Tagore's. Nabani was often asked to compose songs for him. It was the writings of Tagore that brought the Bauls into the global village. The Nobel Prize winning poet , who lived from 1861-1941, is often referred to as the "Greatest of Bauls". Baba, in turn, is  great friends with a modern poet-musician: Bob Dylan. Baba was on the cover of Dylan's John Wesley Harding album.
     Among the people of India, Baba is a holy being, a sacred incarnation of deity. When he is in the United States, people flock to him for blessings, which he freely gives. He also gives them prasad (blessed food) and he prays for their well being.
Purna Das Baul (far right)

     During 2003-2005 I was blessed with being asked to accompany the Purna Das Baul and his son Chotton as they traveled through the Southwestern United States performing. I had no prior training or context for this opportunity. I was working in a bookstore (which sold 2 books about Bauls) in San Diego one afternoon, when I felt a breeze in the room- prior to the door opening. As I looked up a beautiful woman (named Siai) in a brightly colored Sari was opening the door, with fliers in her arms. I asked "Are you a Baul?" From that moment I was pulled into the story.
     When Siai told hime about meeting me, Purna Das Baul asked to meet this woman who recognized this energy. Later I heard them sing a line repeatedly "Do you know the wind?" The wind in this context was the movement of the body's subtle channels in yoga. It was this I felt preceding the presence of Siai and the Bauls.
         From the moment of meeting him, he called me "Ma", not Debra, or Mrs. Page. I became Ma. Of course, I had no understanding what this meant at the time. This my was first direct experience with Eastern philosophies and religion. I loved Baba instantly, and I had no problem saying "yes" to the call to be with him. While I was with him, all my needs were taken care of. I was given beautiful Indian clothing, saris, jewelry, food, lodging- all needs were met. My rock musician husband, Larry, was given place in the band with them. There are so many wonderful stories about this time in our lives. However, this post is about  being a "Ma".
               Baba has an ongoing dialogue with the Divine Mother. He talks to her during the day as he goes about doing Baul things. He sings to to her, praises her, thanks her. I watched him interact with Her. I came to see through his devotion,  that she was the very force animating matter. There would be times when something needed to be done, tea prepared, prasad (blessed food) needed preparing,etc. and he would look at me and say "Ma?" I quickly learned in those moments, I was Mother answering his prayers. I assumed that all women were a "Ma", but that was not the case. According to Baul philosophy (which is a form of Tantra), all women are an aspect of The Mother. Yet, only certain women were an aspect of the prayer answering shakti. The definition of shakti is; 1) The active manifest power that creates the universe, and 2) The consort of the male expression of the divine, especially the god Shiva. (source:
      During my life, I had longingly searched for the Divine Feminine, the lost counterpart to our Christian concept of God. My heart ached to know Her. Baba was teaching me that She lived within me. She wasn't to be found out there somewhere, or in a temple on the other side of the world. She was right here, every moment. He was showing me that everyday life was a prayer to Her, and a dance with Her. He did not have to verbally tell  me how to do the many new things I was introduced to. There was a part of me that innately knew these things already. I am not claiming I was full of grace, or didn't make mistakes. Baba is an infinitely patient being. My neurotic mind was always afraid that the 6 yards of my sari would come unraveled!
       One afternoon, I was alone with him, which was a very rare occasion. We were sitting in a beautiful home overlooking a busy valley in San Diego. The afternoon sun was streaming in the room, making everything luminous. There was a beautiful fluid feeling of peace. I had a text of sayings by Anandamayi Ma (an Indian Avatar, or Incarnation of the Goddess). Baba was reading the same text in Bengali.

"Baba, what does it take for a woman to become a "Ma" (an incarnation of the goddess)? " I asked. 
"Complete and total sacrifice," he responded.

   The ego, in terms of self-cherishing in a selfish way, has to be sacrificed (to make sacred). If any human aspires to the  divinisation of the the body to incarnate the The Divine, they have to surrender the ego to the higher force.

Purna Das Baul lives this way every moment.



Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Mary Sidney Herbert: Alchemist Extraordinaire

 UPDATE:After writing the post below,I created a new blog on woman & alchemy called Quintessia's Journey (click to visit).
The blossoming of spiritual alchemy (Natural Philosophy) in a given culture or society is a reflection of the peoples dialogue with the Imaginal Realm. This is the realm of the muse, myth, dreams, inspiration, and archetypes. This is why we see a flourishing of the arts and humanitarian efforts surrounding successful alchemists throughout the ages. In my personal commitment to following the image of Reindeer Woman through my blogging process, I came to realize the importance of the Imaginal Realm for all of humanity. It is the interface of human consciousness with the Imaginal Realm that leads us towards a truly beneficial relationship with all life.

     After coming to understand recent events of my life through the lens of spiritual alchemy, I became intrigued by women alchemists. I have always looked for the feminine practitioners of every spiritual tradition and, sadly, their importance has been often overlooked. Even though alchemy is one of the most publicized subjects in the book market (1), there is not a single book dedicated to the history of female alchemists!

     I pulled out my texts, searched through Google books, search library databases, & read what other women who walked before me posted on their blogs and websites. I found mention of many women alchemists, but very little documentation. I found them in all periods of history and in almost every culture.

     For the sake of this essay I am going to focus on one extraordinary woman: Mary Sydney Herbert: Countess of Pembroke, who lived in England from 1561-1621. I don’t feel I can give the amount of space needed in this essay to fully recount her influence on culture. I will try to show you what an amazing woman she was, especially during the historical period in which she lived.
     Mary Sidney was betrothed at 13 and married at 15 to Henry Herbert, 2nd Earl of Pembroke. She became Lady Sidney, one of Elisabeth I’s most trusted ladies-in-waiting. She and her brother Sir Phillip Sidney were very close. Together they created the most influential literary circle in England, The Wilton Circle (2). Named for Mary’s estate, The Wilton House, their mission was to create great works of English literature. Her brother Phillip died when she was 27, and she proceeded to manage the Wilton Circle herself. The Wilton Circle inseparably linked to the legacy of Shakespeare. Many of Shakespeare’s works contain alchemical allegory (3)
      It was also at the Wilton Estate that Lady Sidney had her alchemical laboratory. Her lab assistant was Adrian Gilbert, Sir Walter Raleigh’s half brother.  Sir Walter Raleigh was instrumental in founding the colony of Virginia, named after the Virgin Queen, Elizabeth I.  Gilbert was also responsible for designing and maintaining the elaborate gardens at Wilton. He used the principles of geometry to create a harmonious atmosphere.

     Other alchemists in her chemistry circle included:
   *Dr. John Dee (Elizabeth I’s own spy: the original 007, court astrologer, polymath and navigator)
   *Giordano Bruno (Bruno’s work Spaccio was dedicated to Sir  Phillip Sidney (4) )
   *Sir Francis Bacon (statesman, scientist, author)
   *Thomas Digges (Knight of the Garter, astronomer, inventor)
   *Sir Edward Dyer (Knight of the Garter, courtier, poet)
   *Sir Thomas Smith (Elizabeth I’s Secretary of State, Chancellor of the Order of the Garter)
    *Lady Mary Wroth (Mary’s niece, poetess.  Ben Johnson dedicated his play “The Alchemist” to her)

    There were many others who moved through the Wilton Literary Circle that also were alchemists. I am only using names I can find direct sources for. I wish there had been more documentation of the woman in this circle, but execution for witchcraft made keeping such records dangerous in the England of Elizabeth I and James I.

    Mary Sidney's alchemical interests were focused toward philosophy, the creation of medicinal tinctures and the search for “Universal Medicine” to help elevate and transform humanity to its highest potential. The alchemical philosophy involved the training of the mind to transmute negative circumstances and thoughts into creative growth. The laboratory wasn’t just used to create medicine, it was used to reflect back or mirror the alchemist’s mental state. An understanding of astrology and natural cycles were also important.

     Along with her alchemical interests here are some other fascinating facts regarding Mary Sydney Herbert:
   *She was fluent in French, Italian and Latin. (5)
   *She had the most extensive library in England (followed by Dr. John Dee).
    *She was a writer in her own right.
    *She was the most powerful woman in England at the time, except for Queen Elisabeth.
    *She financed New World exploration and was a founding member of The Virginia Company. (6)
   *She is one of 7 contenders for the authorship of the works of  Shakespeare…. but that is a tale for another day! (7)

Some Sources:

Photo 1 : Alchemedia
Photo 2 : Sketch by F.O. Morris

Mary Sidney & Alchemy:

Mary Sidney & the Authorship Question:

Women in Alchemy:

(1)     The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Alchemy, Dennis William Hauck/2008
(2)     Sweet Swan of Avon: Did a Woman Write Shakespeare?, Robin P. Williams 2006/page 30
(3)     Chemical Theatre, Charles Nicholl/1997
(4)     Giordano Bruno and the Hermetic Tradition, by Frances A. Yates  1991/page 219
(5)     Sweet Swan of Avon: Did a woman write Shakespeare?, Robin P. Williams 2006/page 98
(6)     IBID, page 103 
(7)     IBID, whole text

Friday, February 4, 2011

A Suprising Turn of Events

     After the dissolution described in my 12/31/2010 post , I physically crashed. Living with an auto immune disorder is difficult. Living with one in times of unusual stress always leads to me collapsing. This is why it's been so quiet in these parts.

   A month ago, my daughter (25 yrs) called to tell me she was making a life-changing decision. She needed a roommate & place to stay within  2 weeks. Days went by, with no apparent options. Then she called me to tell me that Suzie, a girl she known in highschool, had just gotten a 2 bedroom apartment in a different part of San Diego (they both had been living near the beach). Suzie asked Desiree if she'd be willing to move in with her and her young son. Desiree was very excited and relieved. She didn't know were the place was exactly, other than it was somewhere in the unincorporated town where I live (which has 2 zip codes and isn't very small).

As things turned out, the aparment was on the property directly adjacent to our condo complex. We share a property line and a parking area. My husband and I went to the appointment with Suzie and Desiree. We were talking with the property manager about our mutual property concerns (my husband is on our Home Owner's Association).  The manager asked my husband where he works, and Larry told her he was a manager at a health food store.
It was then that  it happened.
I did what I call an intuitive " blurt". What came of my mouth was not thought out before I said it. It just spilled out me.

"He also has a California state certified guard card," I blurted, while  questioning myself as to why I even said it. It didn't appear relevant.

"But I need a security guard!" , the property manager replied.

To make a long story short.... My husband starts his 2nd job next week, and our daughter and her friend live next door. How this all fell together is pretty amazing to all of us.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I've written a new article...

entitled : Elemental Haunting: An Overview for the Paranormal Researcher.

 It's just been posted on the Pacific Paranormal Investigations website:
click here.

Let me know what you think.